ComPost: yes


Posted at 11:52 AM ET, 04/28/2014

Nap time has been cancelled. A follow-up letter to career-ready kindergarteners

First they came for the kindergarten show . . .

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:52 AM ET, 04/28/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 04:59 PM ET, 04/24/2014

Everything you need to know about Capital -- the hot summer beach read

Some tips for surviving the inevitable conversations.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:59 PM ET, 04/24/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  books, capital

Posted at 11:59 AM ET, 04/24/2014

Cliven Bundy’s awful views should not be news

But they are.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:59 AM ET, 04/24/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Cliven Bundy, Fox News, Sean Hannity

Posted at 08:00 AM ET, 04/24/2014

The Supreme Court justices ask some hard-hitting phonograph questions

It could have been worse.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:00 AM ET, 04/24/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  aereo, phonograph, supreme court, the supremes

Posted at 05:00 PM ET, 04/23/2014

Happy 450th birthday to Shakespeare, the indispensable

He’s still relevant.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:00 PM ET, 04/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  birthday, shakespeare

Posted at 12:14 PM ET, 04/23/2014

Who is your Shakespearean drinking buddy?

Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:14 PM ET, 04/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  quizzes, shakespeare

Posted at 12:11 PM ET, 04/23/2014

Which Shakespeare heroine are you?

The quiz is the thing!

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:11 PM ET, 04/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  quizzes, shakespeare

Posted at 12:04 PM ET, 04/23/2014

Which Shakespeare hero are you? Take the quiz and find out.

Take this quiz and find out!

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:04 PM ET, 04/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  quizzes, shakespeare

Posted at 01:47 PM ET, 04/22/2014

On Earth Day, some pros and cons of our favorite planet

For Earth Day, a critical evaluation.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:47 PM ET, 04/22/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  earth

Posted at 08:00 PM ET, 04/21/2014

No one knows where anything is on a map, and it’s a problem

From Ukraine to the Sun.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:00 PM ET, 04/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  geography, oy

Posted at 07:04 PM ET, 04/21/2014

WWJD: On Charlotte Bronte’s birthday, Jane Eyre answers your questions

Happy Birthday, Charlotte Bronte!

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:04 PM ET, 04/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  birthdays, ladies, literature

Posted at 02:48 PM ET, 04/21/2014

Senator avoids getting hit by oncoming train during press conference on train safety

“Safety, as you know, is paramount.“

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:48 PM ET, 04/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  irony, safety, trains

Posted at 01:20 PM ET, 04/18/2014

How will the Chelsea Clinton baby impact

Now you know!

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:20 PM ET, 04/18/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  baby, chelsea clinton, clinton

Posted at 01:02 PM ET, 04/18/2014

Chelsea Clinton is pregnant, and everything is terrible

Make it stop.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:02 PM ET, 04/18/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  clinton

Posted at 12:23 PM ET, 04/17/2014

Get that beach body! The guide they don’t want you to see

You’re welcome, ladies!

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:23 PM ET, 04/17/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  beach body, ladies

Posted at 11:43 AM ET, 04/17/2014

KFC’s Double Down is back. Are we approaching the bacon backlash?

The signs are everywhere.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:43 AM ET, 04/17/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bacon

Posted at 07:00 PM ET, 04/16/2014

The Titanic Sank. And CNN is ON IT!

Thank heavens they told us!

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:00 PM ET, 04/16/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  news, titanic

Posted at 06:06 PM ET, 04/16/2014

Bet you can’t pass THIS new SAT

This is how the test always felt for me.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:06 PM ET, 04/16/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  SAT, testing, vocabulary

Posted at 06:42 PM ET, 04/15/2014

Phyllis Schlafly’s funny logic on the wage gap — and the husband gap

Mo’ money, fewer husbands.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:42 PM ET, 04/15/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ladies, oy

Posted at 06:14 PM ET, 04/15/2014

400 Headlines That Will Make You Feel Old

Here is a video that will help.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:14 PM ET, 04/15/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  aging

Posted at 02:47 PM ET, 04/15/2014

I guess you COULD get Google Glass

But only if you’re ready to face reality.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:47 PM ET, 04/15/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  glass, Google, google glass

Posted at 03:00 PM ET, 04/14/2014

Boehner’s opponent takes crude shots in ‘electile dysfunction’-themed ad

J.D. Winteregg takes crude aim at his opponent.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:00 PM ET, 04/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ads, innuendo

Posted at 01:16 PM ET, 04/14/2014

Teenager who tweeted threats to American Airlines is now in custody

Being a teenager is more hazardous than it used to be.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:16 PM ET, 04/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  teenagers, Twitter

Posted at 11:13 AM ET, 04/14/2014

In defense of spoilers, from ‘Game of Thrones’ to ‘House of Cards’

Shows are being spoiled, and that’s a good thing.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:13 AM ET, 04/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  spoilers

Posted at 09:38 AM ET, 04/11/2014

What shoe to throw at this politician? A guide, after Hillary Clinton’s footwear incident

For maximum disrespect.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:38 AM ET, 04/11/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  america, shoes

Posted at 06:43 PM ET, 04/10/2014

Never mind Khaleesi -- the most recent crop of baby names is good news!

A Rose by any other name would still grow up fine, probably.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:43 PM ET, 04/10/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 04:54 PM ET, 04/10/2014

Stephen Colbert’s move to late night — and the death of ‘Stephen Colbert’ — is a sad day for satire

He’s going to be seriously missed.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:54 PM ET, 04/10/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  colbert, RIP, satire

Posted at 06:49 PM ET, 04/09/2014

Heartbleed! Quick, change your password, using these tips

Good luck.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:49 PM ET, 04/09/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  oy, passwords

Posted at 02:29 PM ET, 04/09/2014

There is nothing wrong with the Franklin Regional student’s recovery selfie

The kid is all right.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:29 PM ET, 04/09/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  civilization, selfie

Posted at 04:09 PM ET, 04/08/2014

‘Don’t risk dudeness’? Veet’s new ad hair-removal is a throwback dud

This is a terrible ad.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:09 PM ET, 04/08/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ads, beauty, oops, Veet

Posted at 02:47 PM ET, 04/08/2014

The most awkward thing of all is March Awkward Madness results

The winner of March Awkward Madness is declared.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:47 PM ET, 04/08/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  awkward, winner

Posted at 10:48 AM ET, 04/08/2014

Twitter is changing to look like Facebook and it needs to not

I don’t want to become obsolete!

By Alexandra Petri  |  10:48 AM ET, 04/08/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Facebook, Twitter

Posted at 03:24 PM ET, 04/07/2014

Sorry, but you can’t fix the Comic Sans font

You can’t replace it either.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:24 PM ET, 04/07/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  font, fonts, type

Posted at 12:25 PM ET, 04/07/2014

The March Awkward Madness Finals -- it’s down to failed jokes and failed introductions

Telling a joke and no one laughs takes on introducing someone whose name you’ve forgotten.

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:25 PM ET, 04/07/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  awkward

Posted at 11:29 AM ET, 04/07/2014

Study finds our brains are losing their ability to read long, focused books, so here are some TL; DR summaries of the classics

Print books are on the way out!

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:29 AM ET, 04/07/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ack, books, reading

Posted at 02:24 PM ET, 04/04/2014

Brendan Eich, Mozilla, and the right to be wrong

Stop the belief litmus test.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:24 PM ET, 04/04/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Brendan Eich, free speech, gay rights, Mozilla

Posted at 01:42 PM ET, 04/04/2014

George W. Bush’s eerie, amazing, creepy paintings of Putin, cats and beyond -- an analysis

It’s worth a thousand words.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:42 PM ET, 04/04/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Art, Bush, paintings

Posted at 07:09 PM ET, 04/03/2014

March Awkward Madness, Final Four: ‘Waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you’ takes on ‘Telling a joke and no one laughs’

May the cringiest prevail.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:09 PM ET, 04/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  awkward

Posted at 07:04 PM ET, 04/03/2014

David Letterman to leave late-night TV — why not replace him with a woman?

No ladies need apply.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:04 PM ET, 04/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  jimmy, late night

Posted at 05:41 PM ET, 04/02/2014

It’s okay, I played Jesus and George Washington, says Vampire LARPer/Florida GOP candidate

Actually, a Vampire LARPer might be just what Congress needs.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:41 PM ET, 04/02/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Congress, florida, larp, vampires

Posted at 01:19 PM ET, 04/01/2014

Stephen Colbert’s modest proposal: Do not #CancelColbert

And Jonathan Swift makes a cameo, so you know it’s serious.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:19 PM ET, 04/01/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  colbert, context

Posted at 08:40 AM ET, 04/01/2014

How I Coped With Your TV Show Finale (for instance, on How I Met Your Mother)

Well, you waited for it, and it was -- dary.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:40 AM ET, 04/01/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Finales

Posted at 01:46 PM ET, 03/31/2014

The March Awkward Madness Elite Eight -- restroom conversation rides high, waving squeaks through

Will Restroom Conversation take it all?

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:46 PM ET, 03/31/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  awkward

Posted at 01:10 PM ET, 03/31/2014

Black Death might have been airborne, U.K. scientists suggest

Hey, sign up for that health care!

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:10 PM ET, 03/31/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  plague

Posted at 12:07 PM ET, 03/31/2014

Kerning, kerning, kerning through the years

Printer ink is a luxury

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:07 PM ET, 03/31/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  fonts

Posted at 05:26 PM ET, 03/28/2014

Think the Bridgegate Christie report was sexist towards Bridget Anne Kelly? Check out this draft!

You should see this draft!

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:26 PM ET, 03/28/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bridges, christie, thrown under bridge

Posted at 12:08 PM ET, 03/28/2014

Don’t #CancelColbert over that tweeted slur. Obviously not.

Save the context!

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:08 PM ET, 03/28/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  colbert, context

Posted at 09:00 PM ET, 03/27/2014

This gosh-awful UNC NCAA athlete’s paper got an A-

This is no good.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:00 PM ET, 03/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  learning, ncaa

Posted at 08:22 PM ET, 03/27/2014

Bad job, Self

The only lame thing on the page was the caption.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:22 PM ET, 03/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  fashion, oops

Posted at 05:59 PM ET, 03/27/2014

March Awkward Madness, Round of 16 -- restroom conversation versus phone chats!

Will Left Hanging For a High Five go all the way?

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:59 PM ET, 03/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  awkward

Posted at 03:32 PM ET, 03/27/2014

Some Goop-recommended post-break-up (whoops, ‘conscious uncoupling’) snacks

Take the week off, Gwyneth.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:32 PM ET, 03/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  conscious uncoupling, goop

Posted at 06:16 PM ET, 03/26/2014

Oculus bought by Facebook, and the trouble with Kickstarter

You aren’t an investor!

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:16 PM ET, 03/26/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Facebook, oculus

Posted at 12:59 PM ET, 03/26/2014

For the AP Stylebook, it’s ‘more than’ over

Another small step back for grammar, another leap for usage.

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:59 PM ET, 03/26/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  grammar, ugh

Posted at 11:38 AM ET, 03/26/2014

Beyond NYT Now and Times Premier, some more options for the New York Times

Hey, worth a shot!

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:38 AM ET, 03/26/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  times

Posted at 11:28 AM ET, 03/24/2014

In March Awkward Madness, Round of 32, Holding the door for someone who is too far away takes on Left hanging for a high five

Some interesting match-ups, this time through.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:28 AM ET, 03/24/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  awkward

Posted at 07:02 PM ET, 03/21/2014

It’s a bird! It’s a dinosaur! It’s the Chicken from Hell!

Nightmare dinobird.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:02 PM ET, 03/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  chicken, hell, Science

Posted at 05:56 PM ET, 03/21/2014

How not to appeal to millennials, as demonstrated in the RNC’s awful new ad

Here’s a parody of a parody.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:56 PM ET, 03/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ad fail, millennial, Republicans

Posted at 01:25 PM ET, 03/21/2014

The most ludicrous Hitler comparison, ever

We need to find new comparisons, because this is completely absurd.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:25 PM ET, 03/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  hitler, stop

Posted at 07:02 PM ET, 03/20/2014

Some Starbucks-themed pick-up lines

For the bar-barista scene.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:02 PM ET, 03/20/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  coffee, starbucks

Posted at 03:57 PM ET, 03/20/2014

What’s the most awkward? The March Madness Awkward Bracket of 2014

Get ready to cringe!

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:57 PM ET, 03/20/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  awkward, march madness

Posted at 02:57 PM ET, 03/20/2014

Better things to do than picket the Fred Phelps funeral

He made hate look hateful.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:57 PM ET, 03/20/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  RIP

Posted at 04:44 PM ET, 03/19/2014

Everything you need to know about the news, from Crimea to Flight MH370, fits into just one headline

According to a recent survey.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:44 PM ET, 03/19/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  news

Posted at 06:15 PM ET, 03/18/2014

The most ominous thing about the NSA

Those PowerPoints. And the clip-art. Great Scott, the clip art.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:15 PM ET, 03/18/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  NSA

Posted at 11:51 AM ET, 03/18/2014

The one problem with that Jenny McCarthy Twitter backlash

It makes it seem as though vaccinations are a matter of debate.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:51 AM ET, 03/18/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ack, Science

Posted at 09:56 AM ET, 03/18/2014

Don’t believe the correction -- the Goat War is upon us

It’s imminent, and the signs are everywhere.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:56 AM ET, 03/18/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  goat war, goats

Posted at 02:14 PM ET, 03/17/2014

Why is it still snowing?

A chart.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:14 PM ET, 03/17/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Snow

Posted at 07:59 AM ET, 03/17/2014

You can be anything (as long as it’s pink!) -- the icky results of a Girl Scout -- Barbie partnership

It’s an uncomfortable pairing.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:59 AM ET, 03/17/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  barbie, girls, ladies, pink

Posted at 02:35 PM ET, 03/14/2014

What shall we call Generation Next?

Do we even want to know?

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:35 PM ET, 03/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  millennials, relevance, tumblr

Posted at 10:37 AM ET, 03/14/2014

It’s Pi Day, Pi Day, gotta get down on Pi Day

Get excited for next year!

By Alexandra Petri  |  10:37 AM ET, 03/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  pi

Posted at 04:53 PM ET, 03/13/2014

Jared Polis’ wardrobe is excellent and I salute him

Represent, sir.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:53 PM ET, 03/13/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Congress, fashion, Jared Polis, such fashion

Posted at 05:11 PM ET, 03/12/2014

In defense of ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ even minus host Tom Bergeron

Even in host Bergeron’s wake.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:11 PM ET, 03/12/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  AFV, funny videos, Internet, youtube

Posted at 02:33 PM ET, 03/12/2014

Presidents, ranked by likelihood of appearing on ‘Between Two Ferns’

Definitely Wilson.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:33 PM ET, 03/12/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  dignity, ferns, healthcare, obama, presidents

Posted at 12:46 PM ET, 03/12/2014

The Great Train Robbery? On train writing and Amtrak’s new writer residency program

Amtrak wants you to!

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:46 PM ET, 03/12/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  trains

Posted at 04:54 PM ET, 03/11/2014

With ‘Marry Smart,’ Susan Patton has more great news for the ladies

Also, do not listen to the “Princeton Mom” about rape.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:54 PM ET, 03/11/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  life, love, Susan Patton

Posted at 08:56 AM ET, 03/11/2014

President Obama is funny, mean, promoting Healthcare.gov on ‘Between Two Ferns’

Healthcare.gov is a Web site that exists!

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:56 AM ET, 03/11/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  funny, President Obama

Posted at 04:08 PM ET, 03/10/2014

Don’t ‘ban bossy,’ Sheryl Sandberg. Tell us what to do next.

This isn’t the way to encourage girls to lead.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:08 PM ET, 03/10/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bossy, ladies, lean in

Posted at 08:02 PM ET, 03/08/2014

The hardest-working panel at CPAC

Don’t make rape jokes!

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:02 PM ET, 03/08/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  cpac

Posted at 09:30 AM ET, 03/07/2014

Rocket cats from the 16th century unearthed in manuscript

This is purrfect.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:30 AM ET, 03/07/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  cats, history

Posted at 08:40 AM ET, 03/07/2014

Donald Trump’s report of Jimmy Carter’s death has been greatly exaggerated

Oops.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:40 AM ET, 03/07/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  cpac, jimmy carter, the donald

Posted at 07:43 PM ET, 03/06/2014

The return of the monocle

Get squinty!

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:43 PM ET, 03/06/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  monocle

Posted at 06:14 PM ET, 03/05/2014

New ‘Lammily’ doll set to bring real proportions to a Barbie world

Her name is Lammily.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:14 PM ET, 03/05/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  average, barbie

Posted at 05:11 PM ET, 03/05/2014

The changes to the SAT don’t go far enough

Frankly, it has not changed enough.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:11 PM ET, 03/05/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  learning, SAT

Posted at 05:43 PM ET, 03/04/2014

Mardi Gras, in two charts

More like PHAT Tuesday!

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:43 PM ET, 03/04/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  mardi gras

Posted at 05:30 PM ET, 03/03/2014

Pope Francis drops an ‘f-bomb’

It’s all about the consonants.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:30 PM ET, 03/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  oops, pope francis, words

Posted at 04:12 PM ET, 03/03/2014

Time to buy PBR, everyone

We can get rich ironically.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:12 PM ET, 03/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  beer, hipsters, PBR

Posted at 07:57 AM ET, 03/03/2014

Cate Blanchett’s fighting words for movie heroines, on Oscar night

“The world is round, people!“

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:57 AM ET, 03/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ladies, oscars

Posted at 02:53 PM ET, 02/27/2014

‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ reaches pantheon of all-time bestsellers, civilization ends

That’s all, folks!

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:53 PM ET, 02/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  books, fifty shades of grey

Posted at 08:23 AM ET, 02/27/2014

Breaking! Arizona Governor Jan Brewer opts out of time travel with SB 1062 veto

Hooray, it is still 2014!

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:23 AM ET, 02/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  arizona, time

Posted at 05:26 PM ET, 02/26/2014

Possible headlines as Texas ban on same-sex marriage overturned by federal court

For your consideration.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:26 PM ET, 02/26/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  marriage, puns, texas

Posted at 04:50 PM ET, 02/25/2014

The most awkward possible photo of Merkel and Netanyahu

There are no words.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:50 PM ET, 02/25/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  awkward, Merkel, Netanyahu, pictures

Posted at 09:31 AM ET, 02/25/2014

Thanks, Netflix! Goodbye, Net Neutrality! It’s been real.

Volcano-level scared.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:31 AM ET, 02/25/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Internet, net neutrality, netflix

Posted at 08:26 AM ET, 02/25/2014

Virginia Republican calls women ‘hosts’ (‘some refer to them as mothers’) in Facebook post

He claims he was joking.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:26 AM ET, 02/25/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  hosts, ladies, oy, virginia

Posted at 09:30 AM ET, 02/24/2014

The most important paragraph from Alec Baldwin’s farewell to public life

As he resigns from public life.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:30 AM ET, 02/24/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  alec baldwin, media, new media

Posted at 08:13 AM ET, 02/24/2014

10 ways CNN can replace Piers Morgan

I vote for number 2!

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:13 AM ET, 02/24/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  CNN, piers morgan

Posted at 08:18 AM ET, 02/21/2014

Michelle Obama forces kale on men dressed as tweens in Tonight Show video

Kale chips! Grown men dressed as tweens!

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:18 AM ET, 02/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Jimmy Fallon, Michelle Obama

Posted at 04:09 PM ET, 02/20/2014

The most attractive online dating profile of all time, based on Wired’s buzzwords

Courtesy of Wired’s word-list.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:09 PM ET, 02/20/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  dating, tips

Posted at 03:53 PM ET, 02/19/2014

What Google’s Do’s and Don’ts for Glass Explorers are really saying

A quick dose of reality.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:53 PM ET, 02/19/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Google, google glass, technology

Posted at 06:44 PM ET, 02/18/2014

It’s a clown question, bro -- clown shortage looms in America

Where are America’s clowns?

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:44 PM ET, 02/18/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  clowns

Posted at 05:32 PM ET, 02/18/2014

How to tell if you are being persecuted, after the Kansas ‘anti-discrimination’ bill

I think we need a refresher, after ‘anti-discrimination’ law fails in Kansas.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:32 PM ET, 02/18/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  charts, equality

Posted at 02:30 PM ET, 02/14/2014

That’s enough, Winter

I’m serious.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:30 PM ET, 02/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 12:22 PM ET, 02/14/2014

Extra straight talk for single ladies on Valentine’s Day

Sorry, Susan Patton.

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:22 PM ET, 02/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Valentine's Day

Posted at 10:51 AM ET, 02/14/2014

‘House of Cards’ is back, but first, a note from ‘Zoe Barnes’

No spoilers?

By Alexandra Petri  |  10:51 AM ET, 02/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  house of cards, zoe barnes

Posted at 09:30 AM ET, 02/11/2014

Clay Aiken is running for Congress in North Carolina, so I hope Ruben Studdard isn’t

And there’s already an attack ad!

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:30 AM ET, 02/11/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Congress, golden tickets, hollywood, stars

Posted at 09:00 AM ET, 02/11/2014

The real question about Woody Allen

You have to draw your own line.

By  |  09:00 AM ET, 02/11/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Art, woody allen

Posted at 08:47 AM ET, 02/11/2014

In tribute to Shirley Temple Black, five of her iconic film scenes

Or, as Twitter would say, “the original Honey Boo Boo.”

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:47 AM ET, 02/11/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  RIP

Posted at 12:42 PM ET, 02/07/2014

Happy 10th Birthday, Facebook

Ten is the new dead.

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:42 PM ET, 02/07/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  birthday, Facebook

Posted at 11:15 AM ET, 02/07/2014

10 objections to the Winter Olympics

A quick reminder of the superiority of the Summer Games.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:15 AM ET, 02/07/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  olympics

Posted at 06:29 PM ET, 02/06/2014

Jay Leno hands off to Fallon -- but does the Tonight Show chair still matter?

Take my institution, please.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:29 PM ET, 02/06/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  chairs, jay leno, late night wars

Posted at 08:31 AM ET, 02/06/2014

Five cringe-worthy quotes leading up to the Sochi Winter Olympics

Save the enthusiasm for summer.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:31 AM ET, 02/06/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  olympics

Posted at 01:21 PM ET, 02/03/2014

Scott Brown, running (shirtless) in New Hampshire, on the front page

Ladieeeeees.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:21 PM ET, 02/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  objectification, scott brown

Posted at 12:30 PM ET, 02/03/2014

Is there anything more American than America? The answer, in 8 Super Bowl commercials?

I guess “scientology“?

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:30 PM ET, 02/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  america, eagles, super bowl

Posted at 08:30 PM ET, 01/31/2014

No beer delivery drones, FAA? This is why we can’t have nice things!

Aw.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:30 PM ET, 01/31/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 07:11 PM ET, 01/31/2014

What Chris Christie now wishes he’d said about David Wildstein

Never insinuate someone wasn’t cool in high school.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:11 PM ET, 01/31/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  burning bridges, christie

Posted at 08:01 AM ET, 01/31/2014

Amy Chua continues to be and know better than you

And she has a new book out!

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:01 AM ET, 01/31/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  how to be

Posted at 06:02 PM ET, 01/30/2014

Mitt Romney, 2016 front-runner

We’ve been through this before.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:02 PM ET, 01/30/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  2016, mitt, Mitt Romney

Posted at 04:23 PM ET, 01/30/2014

Employee sells heroin out of McDonalds in Happy Meals

Oops.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:23 PM ET, 01/30/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  mcdonalds, war on drugs

Posted at 03:42 PM ET, 01/29/2014

How we can deport Justin Bieber -- listen up, White House!

Listen up White House: We can do it!

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:42 PM ET, 01/29/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bieber, white house

Posted at 02:31 PM ET, 01/29/2014

How to apologize after you threaten to throw a reporter off a balcony

Repeatedly, and at length.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:31 PM ET, 01/29/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  apologies', Michael Grimm, oops, State of the Union

Posted at 01:32 AM ET, 01/29/2014

State of the Union in three GIFs and one quote

And the response, in one quote.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:32 AM ET, 01/29/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  SOTU, State of the Union

Posted at 01:43 PM ET, 01/28/2014

State of the Union bingo for 2014

Play along at home!

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:43 PM ET, 01/28/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  SOTU, State of the Union

Posted at 09:40 AM ET, 01/28/2014

Pope’s Metaphor is Viciously Attacked By Seabird

If this were Ancient Greece, augurs would be going nuts right now.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:40 AM ET, 01/28/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  augury, birds, pope, pope francis

Posted at 04:46 PM ET, 01/27/2014

Is it a problem that Hillary Clinton has not driven since 1996?

Here’s the trouble with humanizing anecdotes. They tend to backfire.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:46 PM ET, 01/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  2016, cars, Hillary Clinton

Posted at 03:03 PM ET, 01/27/2014

The states of the union in stereotypes, via Google autocomplete

Thanks, Google!

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:03 PM ET, 01/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Google, stereotypes

Posted at 08:11 AM ET, 01/27/2014

Six top moments from a ‘ground-breaking’ ‘historical’ 2014 Grammys where nothing happened

And a few other things happen as well.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:11 AM ET, 01/27/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  grammys

Posted at 05:38 PM ET, 01/24/2014

Sheryl Sandberg’s ‘Lean In’ is going to be a movie. A sneak preview of the script!

Here are some plot suggestions.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:38 PM ET, 01/24/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ladies, lean in

Posted at 12:26 PM ET, 01/24/2014

Why thank-you notes are bad and dangerous

If you’re polite, they might indict.

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:26 PM ET, 01/24/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  no thanks, politeness, thanks

Posted at 04:15 PM ET, 01/23/2014

Mike Huckabee and women’s uncontrolled libido, or, Uncle Sugar

The GOP will have a much easier time talking to women once they realize that women can hear them.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:15 PM ET, 01/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ladies, ugh, war on women, wow

Posted at 03:03 PM ET, 01/23/2014

Justin Bieber arrested for DUI, drag racing: A verse ode

And the crowd goes wild.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:03 PM ET, 01/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bieber

Posted at 09:30 AM ET, 01/23/2014

Davos Theme or String of Nonsense Buzzwords?

Which ones are nonsense buzzwords? Which ones are Davos themes? Which ones are both?

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:30 AM ET, 01/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  davos

Posted at 09:00 AM ET, 01/23/2014

What’s in a name? Louis Vuitton, Rolex, McDonnell

That’s more than $50 for a t-shirt.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:00 AM ET, 01/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  brands

Posted at 08:37 AM ET, 01/23/2014

How not to talk about Wendy Davis

New stories and old patterns.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:37 AM ET, 01/23/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ladies, texas, women

Posted at 01:30 PM ET, 01/21/2014

Happy National Hug Day, I guess

Let’s shake on it.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:30 PM ET, 01/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  hugs, ughs

Posted at 11:09 AM ET, 01/21/2014

In defense of hipsters

I was into hipster-defending before it was cool.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:09 AM ET, 01/21/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  hipsters

Posted at 02:09 PM ET, 01/17/2014

Nobody knows history, says FOX host, then proves it

See: Muphry’s Law.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:09 PM ET, 01/17/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 01:31 PM ET, 01/17/2014

President Obama’s NSA speech: What’s that about Paul Revere and Civil War balloons?

I’m not exactly sure what these examples prove.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:31 PM ET, 01/17/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  NSA

Posted at 03:59 PM ET, 01/16/2014

Keep the Time magazine Clinton cover. Change the story.

Or better yet, keep the cover and change the story.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:59 PM ET, 01/16/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  design, graphics, Hillary, lilliput

Posted at 10:16 AM ET, 01/16/2014

‘American Hustle,’ ‘her,’ ’12 Years A Slave’: What the 2014 Oscar nominees say about us

Is it even possible to Google ‘her’?

By Alexandra Petri  |  10:16 AM ET, 01/16/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  movies, oscars

Posted at 06:53 PM ET, 01/15/2014

Nope, Richard Black, just because ‘she’s in a nightie’ does not give you consent

This has been your weekly reminder.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:53 PM ET, 01/15/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  consent, richard black

Posted at 08:19 AM ET, 01/15/2014

With one terrifying ‘Daily Show’ segment, Fox’s ‘The Five’ enters the realm of high art

It’s . . . something.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:19 AM ET, 01/15/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Daily Show, Fox News

Posted at 05:08 PM ET, 01/14/2014

“Mistakes were clearly made.” In New Jersey, the Passive Voice apologizes

Taking the fall, once again.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:08 PM ET, 01/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bridgegate, grammar, passive

Posted at 03:03 PM ET, 01/14/2014

After Christie’s Bridgegate, some tips for avoiding scandal

Handy steps to save your bacon!

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:03 PM ET, 01/14/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bridgegate, christie, scandal

Posted at 04:50 PM ET, 01/13/2014

Enter the Concern Troll

The Times piece on Lisa Adams and those Dreadful Things that Other People say.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:50 PM ET, 01/13/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 09:15 AM ET, 01/13/2014

Spanish version of Healthcare.gov apparently used computer translation?

That’s a problem.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:15 AM ET, 01/13/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  healthcare.gov

Posted at 08:15 AM ET, 01/13/2014

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler explain the problem with ’12 Years A Slave’ think-pieces in a single Golden Globes monologue joke

Well done, Best Friends of the Internet.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:15 AM ET, 01/13/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  golden globes

Posted at 08:18 PM ET, 01/10/2014

Goodbye, Shia LaBeouf! A note on art and theft in the age of Tumblr

Good riddance.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:18 PM ET, 01/10/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  enough labeouf

Posted at 01:58 PM ET, 01/10/2014

Gmail’s new ‘feature’: e-mails from strangers!

Don’t be creepy.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:58 PM ET, 01/10/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  don't be evil, gmail, gmail feature, Google

Posted at 08:00 AM ET, 01/10/2014

Come sit on Satan’s lap with proposed Oklahoma statue

Although some Satanists disapprove.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:00 AM ET, 01/10/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  church and state, satan, statues

Posted at 02:45 PM ET, 01/09/2014

Three top moments from Chris Christie’s morphing traffic study news conference

The governor has a lot of feelings.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:45 PM ET, 01/09/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bridgegate, christie, traffic

Posted at 08:47 AM ET, 01/09/2014

Chris Christie and the best traffic safety study ever

Well, I guess we learned something.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:47 AM ET, 01/09/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  2016, bridges, christie, pranks, Science, studies

Posted at 06:43 PM ET, 01/08/2014

Five questions about the Polar Vortex, answered

It’s here. It’s cold. Get used to it.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:43 PM ET, 01/08/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  polar vortex, weather

Posted at 06:22 PM ET, 01/08/2014

How do you solve a problem like Dennis Rodman’s visits to North Korea?

Why does this keep happening?

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:22 PM ET, 01/08/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  dennis rodman

Posted at 04:32 PM ET, 01/08/2014

Not the Velveeta! Cheesy shortage looms in Northeast

Time for a LIQUID GOLD rush!

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:32 PM ET, 01/08/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  liquid gold, liquid goooooooold, velveeta

Posted at 05:24 PM ET, 01/06/2014

Old Spice’s alarming ‘Momsong’ commercial

This doubles as a crippling weapon against Peter Pan.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:24 PM ET, 01/06/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  commercials, old spice, terror

Posted at 01:23 PM ET, 01/03/2014

Colorado’s shame and sorrow -- bring back the old law

We need to revert to the old laws.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:23 PM ET, 01/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  demon weed

Posted at 06:00 AM ET, 01/03/2014

How to ruin any conversation with just one question

There is basically no good outcome.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:00 AM ET, 01/03/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  conversation, conversation enders, conversation starters, peeves

Posted at 05:23 PM ET, 01/02/2014

Oh good, Duck Dynasty has a line of guns now

Happy new year!

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:23 PM ET, 01/02/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  culture wars, duck dynasty

Posted at 11:04 AM ET, 01/02/2014

New Year’s resolutions for 2014 that are still viable

These, I can keep!

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:04 AM ET, 01/02/2014 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  2014, new year

Posted at 03:57 PM ET, 12/26/2013

2013: Some user reviews

Well, It had everything we’ve come to expect in a year, and Miley Cyrus.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:57 PM ET, 12/26/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  2013, best of 2013

Posted at 07:42 PM ET, 12/20/2013

All I want for Christmas, Mariah, is you to stop performing for dictators, says human rights group

Human rights group complains after Carey performance.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:42 PM ET, 12/20/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  performing for dictators

Posted at 12:34 PM ET, 12/20/2013

Early drafts of Christmas songs

I finally understand what happened with Baby It’s Cold Outside.

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:34 PM ET, 12/20/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  christmas, drafts, holidays, songs

Posted at 02:48 PM ET, 12/19/2013

What I have learned from Christmas commercials

All good lessons.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:48 PM ET, 12/19/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ack, ads

Posted at 10:13 AM ET, 12/19/2013

Fake Harvard bomb threat was made by a student who wanted to postpone an exam

If only he knew it wasn’t worth it.

By Alexandra Petri  |  10:13 AM ET, 12/19/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  colllege, harvard bomb scare

Posted at 08:20 AM ET, 12/19/2013

What to do when your golden ‘Duck’ lays an egg

What to do when your golden egg turns out to be an ugly duckling?

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:20 AM ET, 12/19/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  reality, television

Posted at 11:45 AM ET, 12/18/2013

The best GIF of Mitt Romney ironing a suit while wearing it

Here he is ironing a suit while wearing it.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:45 AM ET, 12/18/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  gifs, mitt

Posted at 08:30 AM ET, 12/18/2013

Top 10 Best of 2013 Lists of 2013

This was a great year for year-end lists -- and lists in general.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:30 AM ET, 12/18/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  lists

Posted at 02:09 PM ET, 12/13/2013

Thank you, Mac McGarry, from an ‘It’s Ac’ contestant

A tribute from a former contestant

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:09 PM ET, 12/13/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  appreciation

Posted at 11:53 AM ET, 12/13/2013

Year-End Spousal Performance Review, as the Wall Street Journal suggests

This will go well.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:53 AM ET, 12/13/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bad ideas, Wall Street Journal

Posted at 05:39 PM ET, 12/12/2013

The affluenza defense

How do I catch this?

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:39 PM ET, 12/12/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  affluenza, gesundheit

Posted at 03:52 PM ET, 12/12/2013

How should a Santa be? Megyn Kelly and beyond.

He’s a crowdsourced myth.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:52 PM ET, 12/12/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 01:22 PM ET, 12/12/2013

The 5 types of songs you’ll hear this holiday, in one chart

Hymns not included.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:22 PM ET, 12/12/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  festive, holiday, singing, songing

Posted at 03:07 PM ET, 12/11/2013

Best of 2013 List That Doubles as a Cry for Help

Maybe call someone?

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:07 PM ET, 12/11/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  best of 2013, lists

Posted at 06:17 PM ET, 12/10/2013

The problem with that Pantene labels ad

Feminism sells! ....shampoo

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:17 PM ET, 12/10/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ladies, pantene

Posted at 06:11 PM ET, 12/10/2013

President Obama takes a memorial selfie

Times when it’s okay to take a selfie at Nelson Mandela’s memorial: [This space intentionally left blank.]

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:11 PM ET, 12/10/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  funeral selfie, selfie

Posted at 03:11 PM ET, 12/06/2013

‘The Sound of Music Live’ -- this is our fault

Of course the Sound of Music Live attracted 18.5 million viewers -- it’s a Von Trapp!

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:11 PM ET, 12/06/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  carrie underwood, the sound of music live

Posted at 10:23 AM ET, 12/06/2013

The 15 best lines from Rush Limbaugh’s historical fanfiction about himself

Get it for your friends’ children! And your children’s children!

By Alexandra Petri  |  10:23 AM ET, 12/06/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  best books of 2013

Posted at 06:15 PM ET, 12/04/2013

Waiting for Gadot? There is a Wonder Woman and the Internet is upset

The Internet always has opinions to spare.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:15 PM ET, 12/04/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  casting, ladies, wonder woman

Posted at 09:49 AM ET, 12/04/2013

Every gift for children this year is terrifying -- a walk over the Thin Pink Line in Target

Sugar and spice and everything hideous and terrifying.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:49 AM ET, 12/04/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  aaaaaargh, disney, ladies, toys

Posted at 05:26 PM ET, 12/02/2013

What’s wrong with boomers? They can’t seem to fend for themselves

Helicopter childing has rendered these elders incapable of handling themselves in the real world.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:26 PM ET, 12/02/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  boomers, millennials, oops

Posted at 01:31 PM ET, 12/02/2013

Legends of the Delivery Drones

They will live on in song.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:31 PM ET, 12/02/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  amazon, delivery drone

Posted at 01:19 PM ET, 11/29/2013

What your favorite punctuation mark says about you

It’s not a parenthetical statement.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:19 PM ET, 11/29/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  grammar

Posted at 11:00 AM ET, 11/29/2013

This will restore, then shatter, your faith in humankind

For a while there, I was worried. I thought irony wasn’t going to make it. It lay there, pale and wheezing in its flannel, a last PBR clutched in one convulsive hand.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:00 AM ET, 11/29/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 07:51 AM ET, 11/29/2013

10 Black Friday deals definitely worth mowing down a stranger for

“It’s all worth it,” you’ll bellow.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:51 AM ET, 11/29/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 09:30 AM ET, 11/27/2013

This Covergirl makeup makes a statement! Unfortunately that statement is ‘I enjoy watching children fight to the death’

Yes, it’s that bad.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:30 AM ET, 11/27/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  hunger games, this is why we can't have nice things

Posted at 08:34 AM ET, 11/27/2013

How To Write an Op-Ed Column Without Really Trying

Just mail me the Pulitzer when it comes your way.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:34 AM ET, 11/27/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 01:46 PM ET, 11/26/2013

RIP Brian Griffin on ‘Family Guy’ -- the dog always dies

All dogs go to heaven?

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:46 PM ET, 11/26/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  dogs

Posted at 12:48 PM ET, 11/26/2013

The Gobbler Games -- Caramel and Popcorn vie for presidential turkey pardons

The odds are never in your favor.

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:48 PM ET, 11/26/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  hunger games, turkey

Posted at 05:17 PM ET, 11/25/2013

14 Thanksgiving dinners more awkward than yours

They put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:17 PM ET, 11/25/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  thanksgiving, thor

Posted at 12:03 PM ET, 11/22/2013

Obamacare, er Affordable Care Act, er That Thing That Must Not Be Named rebranding continues

It might work!

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:03 PM ET, 11/22/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  affordable care act, obamacare, or something

Posted at 11:40 AM ET, 11/22/2013

Nuclear fallout in the Senate

Everything is mutating and horrible.

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:40 AM ET, 11/22/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  filibuster, nuclear, reid, senate

Posted at 07:03 PM ET, 11/21/2013

Commemoration fatigue

Please, make it stop.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:03 PM ET, 11/21/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  fatigue, JFK

Posted at 08:00 AM ET, 11/20/2013

The Most Offensive Article on the Internet and Why You Need To Stop Sharing It And Trying To Get It Taken Down

Traffic is oxygen.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:00 AM ET, 11/20/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Internet, ughhhhhhhh

Posted at 07:00 AM ET, 11/20/2013

Awkward Thanksgiving at the Cheney household

Talking turkey.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:00 AM ET, 11/20/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Dick Cheney, gay marriage, Liz Cheney, thanksgiving

Posted at 03:38 PM ET, 11/19/2013

It’s A Wonderful -- Sequel?

How the studios stole Christmas.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:38 PM ET, 11/19/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 01:54 PM ET, 11/19/2013

A brief history of the selfie, the Oxford Dictionaries’ word of the year

It’s a word as old as time though.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:54 PM ET, 11/19/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  selfie

Posted at 11:16 AM ET, 11/19/2013

Through the International Men’s Day looking-glass

I recommend this experience to anyone!

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:16 AM ET, 11/19/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ladies, men

Posted at 04:21 PM ET, 11/18/2013

What Really Happened To JFK? Guess the real theory.

It’s harder than it looks.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:21 PM ET, 11/18/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  conspiracy

Posted at 06:18 PM ET, 11/15/2013

Always be Batkid

He’s the hero we need right now.

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:18 PM ET, 11/15/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  batkid, batkin, batman

Posted at 09:35 AM ET, 11/15/2013

Fighting the War on Christmas

It’s time we all became Thanksgiving vigilantes.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:35 AM ET, 11/15/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  bah, christmas, humbug, thanksgiving

Posted at 06:15 PM ET, 11/14/2013

President Obama’s fumbling apology press conference, translated

The problem is the hardware, software, and technology, says president

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:15 PM ET, 11/14/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  obama, obamacare

Posted at 09:40 PM ET, 11/13/2013

10 other numbers to put the Obamacare October sign-ups into perspective

Here are a few more statistics.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:40 PM ET, 11/13/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  numbers, obamacare