Dirty Words? Carlin Says They're Only Human

Given the recent political furor over obscenity on the airwaves, we thought it wise to check in with a longtime expert on foul language: George Carlin, whose famous "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" comedy routine ultimately led to the Supreme Court's 1978 opinion allowing the FCC to sanction indecent broadcasts.

"It's such a garden of delight -- this wonderful field of language that describes either body parts or body functions," Carlin told us by phone during a stop in New York the other day. (Now 66, he's still on the road doing some 90 shows a year.) "This is kind of a dopey comedian's observation: The two aspects of the human body and its functions that create all the problems are reproduction and excretion. These are the two things they're terribly concerned about. And these are the two most primitive and irresistible urges there are."

We can't print what he said next, but his bigger point was about religion, which, in his view, has always attempted to rein in human behavior. As a hormone-possessed Catholic lad, Carlin says he concluded, "They were pushing pain, and I was interested in pleasure. They thought pleasure was bad and pain was rather good -- sacrifice, pain and punishment. And I was looking to [commit a sin involving self-gratification] and eat a candy bar during school. It just seemed to be anti-human."

Carlin doesn't seem to disapprove terribly of the FCC's right to regulate what is said on TV or radio. "The thing is a commercial swamp, so anyone who gets into that -- a morning disc jockey or late-night television show or anything -- has entered into a sort of a silent agreement to abide by what they need to sell their baby food and their tires.... I never went [on 'The Tonight Show'] trying to change their rules or assert my rights of some kind." Muzzling radio's Bubba the Love Sponge is not the same as controlling political speech, "but it is part of, perhaps, a slippery slope," Carlin says.

After 44 years in showbiz, he has become a respectable movie actor, winning his biggest part to date in "Jersey Girl" as the surly father of Ben Affleck's character. But let's not forget his stint as "Mr. Conductor" on the kids' TV show "Shining Time Station," which demonstrated that the man who scandalized the nation in the '70s could be a good parent. Further proof: His daughter, Kelly, just earned her master's degree in clinical psychology. "It's a mystery to me how someone in my family is now actually helping people who are screwed up," says Carlin, "because it should really be the other way around."

For The Donald's Employees, a Wealth of Good Will

Though Donald Trump seems to love dispatching contestants on "The Apprentice" with a cold glare and a curt "You're fired!" -- an expression he actually wants to trademark -- it's testament to his acting ability. At least according to Potomac author Ronald Kessler, who got to know Trump while researching "The Season: Inside Palm Beach and America's Richest Society," published in 1999. He's a student of The Donald and a fan of his show.

"In fact he treats employees and hired help extremely well," Kessler told us last week. "Most of his key people, such as Norma Foerder, his top assistant, have been with him forever -- 23 years in the case of Norma. Even Mike Donovan, the captain of his Boeing 727-100, has been with him for decades.... He values longevity in his staff."

After buying the late Marjorie Merriweather Post's Mar-a-Lago estate in Palm Beach, Trump "retained several 70-year-old gardeners who could barely pull weeds but had worked loyally for Mrs. Post," Kessler recounts in his book. "When butler Tony Senecal's home air-conditioning system gave out, Trump had it replaced. When Senecal had heart problems a few years back, Trump insisted he stay at Mar-a-Lago to recuperate."

Curators at the Hillwood Museum and Gardens -- Post's 25-acre estate in Northwest Washington, opened to the public in 1977 -- are occasionally in touch with Mar-a-Lago. They report good relations with Trump and his staff. "Everything always seems to be fine with the people there," says Ellen MacNeille Charles, chairwoman of Hillwood's board and Post's granddaughter.

What Is a 'Power Player'?

The celebrity edition of "Jeopardy!" rolled into town to tape another edition of what it calls its "power players" week. So who, pray tell, qualify as make up power players in these parts?

Journalists! Among the contestants taped yesterday were NBC's "Meet the Press" host Tim Russert, CBS's Gretchen Carlson, CNN's Tucker Carlson, Aaron Brown and Anderson Cooper, NPR's Tavis Smiley, CNBC's Mario Maria Bartiromo, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann, The Post's Bob Woodward and even the recently deposed Ashleigh Banfield, who was described on in the press materials as a "TV Corespondent" [sic]. (Hmmm. No entries from Fox?).

Also appearing for charity: Al Franken, Christine Todd Whitman, Ari Fleischer, NAACP President Kweisi Mfume, and Peggy Noonan, the Post's Jennifer Frey reports.

Who won? We can't say -- the episodes won't air until the week of May 10. But we can say this: Deep Throat was an answer, and Woodward, alas, Noonan beat Woodward to the buzzer.

This Date in Gossip

145 years ago: Washingtonians revel in lurid details of adultery and murder as Rep. Daniel Sickles of New York goes on trial for shooting Philip Barton Key, son of "Star-Spangled Banner" composer Francis Scott Key, in front of the White House. Sickles, a lawyer, pleads temporary insanity -- the first defendant ever to do so in the United States. His attorneys argue he was driven into a justifiable "frenzy" of vengeance because of his young wife Theresa's affair with Key. ("Of course I intended to kill him," Sickles said after shooting Key. "He deserved it.") Newspapers, of course, published Theresa Sickles' detailed confession: "There was a bed in the second story. I did what is usual for a wicked woman to do.... I undressed myself. Mr. Key undressed also." After a 20-day trial, the jury acquitted the cuckolded congressman -- to the cheers of courtroom spectators.

With Anne Schroeder