There's nothing new about bullying. It's probably gone on as long as there have been kids. And, unfortunately, there's nothing rare about bullying. Seventy-five percent of 8- to 11-year-olds and 86 percent of 12- to 15-year-olds say that bullying and teasing are very common at their schools, according to a new survey by the Kaiser Family Foundation and Nickelodeon.
But bullying has received a lot of attention recently. The reason? Kids who were picked on and teased brought guns to school. Some have shot and killed fellow students.
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Are You a Bully?
Do you tease kids about their clothes or hair? Do you shove them in PE? Do you trip them in the hallway or try to stuff them into lockers?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you might be a bully.
If so, consider this: Steven King, a fifth-grade teacher at Shepherd Elementary in Washington, still remembers the name of the boy who called him "fatso" when he was a kid more than 30 years ago. Now, when he confronts a troublemaker on the playground, King asks, "Do you want to be remembered for the rest of your life as a bully who made someone's world so horrible?"
The answer: Of course you don't.
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Schools are taking the problem very seriously. Teachers are having group discussions in class. Principals are holding special assemblies about bullying. This is in addition to the "peer mediation" classes that many schools have to help schoolmates work out problems with each other. ("Peers" are other kids your own age.)
The programs start as early as first grade and have names such as "Conflict Busters," "Solution Dream Team" and "Peacemakers." Some Maryland counties use "Debug" to teach kids how to stop "bugging" each other. Here are the five steps they suggest you take when dealing with a bully: 1. Ignore. 2. Move away. 3. Talk friendly. 4. Talk firmly. 5. Get adult help. (For other tips, see "Bully Be-Gone" at the bottom of this page.)
Most news stories about bullying mention two kinds of kids: the kids who are bullies and the kids who get bullied. But there's a third category that's just as important: the kids who see what's going on. Teachers say that these kids can help stop bullying, by not laughing when bullies tease and by getting a grown-up when there's trouble.
Barbara Hoffmann, a Howard County middle school principal, tells her students: "The school's only as good as you make it. The laws have to be obeyed. The only way to do that is to make a very safe, comfortable environment." And that means not just standing by when someone is in trouble.
Bullying goes on every day in every school. So KidsPost asked kids, parents, counselors and schools about the problem. Our guide, by Judy Licht, looks at what kids say about bullying and what can be done about it.
What Kids Say
Nick Velez, 17, Washington, on being the target of some older boys a few years ago: "When people laugh at you, you feel awful. I knew these guys pick on people who cry or look really embarrassed. I decided it was stupid to sulk. If they thought they could keep attacking me they would, so I figured out a way to laugh about myself with them."
Danny Faron, 13, McLean, on being teased: "You wish you could make them feel the same pain they're making you feel. It's really frustrating because it's hard to defend yourself. Bullies don't listen when you try to answer back."
A Washington ninth grader, 14, on wanting revenge: "When I was picked on a lot, I kept thinking about this one guy who was really mean to me. I wished I was really huge and he was really small so I could just step on him. It would have been great if I could have really hurt him."
Joe Gonzalez, 16, Olney, on where it happens: "Bullying usually happens in the hallways away from the teachers. You hear people called 'dork' or 'stupid.' Today's heroes are the popular kids who discourage bullying."
Shannon Havener, 14, Woodbridge, on how it happens: "If somebody dresses funny or wears something weird a group of kids will make fun of them. People talk about other people all the time behind their backs."
Marisa Schwartz, 10, of Alexandria, on how she reacts: "You should try not to listen when people make fun of you. If somebody teases me, I hold my breath and count to five to calm down."
Aaron Miller, 10, Annandale, on how he reacts: "Bigger kids on the bus bother me sometimes. I get angry, but I try to hold it inside and ignore the person who is annoying me."
Nathan La Porte, 14, Washington, on why kids bully others: "Bullies feel better when they see you get angry. They want a violent reaction. They want to feel superior. If you laugh with them, it takes away the fun of seeing you suffer."
Bully Be-Gone
How do you deal with a you-know-what? Don't get mad, get...funny. Experts say humor is one way to stop bullies. Here are some suggestions for handling a bully-and yourself.
• Ignore the bullying-send a message that you're not afraid.
• Tell the person that you don't appreciate what he or she is doing. (Believe it or not, some kids might not realize that they're being bullies.)
• Don't cry. Bullies might pick on you if they think you're afraid. Appear confident.
• Respond with a joke.
• Since some bullies gang up on kids who are on their own, try not to be alone during recess or lunch. Hang out with friends.
• If you think you may be being teased because of something you do, talk to a grown-up about changing your behavior and building your confidence.
• Tell a teacher or school counselor what's happening. It's their job to help stop the bullying.
• Burn off your anger with physical activity: on the soccer field, in the swimming pool, in a karate class.
• Become a world-famous millionaire and, years later, when the bully comes to you looking for a job, say, "Do you remember a kid that you used to throw macaroni and cheese at in the cafeteria in fifth grade? Well, that was me. Not only am I not hiring you, but I've called security to escort you from my office."
• Okay, we admit that last one may be kind of hard to pull off. But being bullied, as lousy as it is, won't last forever. Hang in there.
