Children who have been bullied say it helps them to hear adults talk about their own experiences with bullying. Staff writer Valerie Strauss asked adults in various fields whether they were ever bullied or involved in a bullying incident and how it affected them. Here are some answers:
Daniel A. Domenech, superintendent of Fairfax County public schools
As a young Cuban immigrant who arrived in New York City at the age of 9, I certainly experienced my share of bullying in the schoolyard. Not able to speak the language, I was spared the verbal abuse, although the body language spoke for itself. The pushing and shoving were easy enough to understand. It was a very difficult experience for a young child new to this country as well as new to the school. The support of good teachers and new friends allowed me to successfully cope with those early experiences in school.
Freida Outlaw, psychiatric nursing professor at the University of Pennsylvania who counsels children who are being bullied
I've been bullied in my life, when I was a kid. I remember big details about it, when I was in the sixth grade. I was sort of little and an only child for a long time. I didn't have someone in the family to come help me. There was one girl who got it in her head that she was going to beat me. So I stayed inside with the teacher. She was wonderful, but she didn't know why I was inside. She taught me how to crochet. I would sit in at lunchtime and crochet with her. One day, she had to go to a teachers meeting. It was raining, and we had to play in the gym. . . . This girl said, "I'm going to get you." And I was just shaking. She ran and hit me in my back and knocked the wind clear out of me.
I know this flies in the face of what you are supposed to do. But I just picked myself up and said, "I have to do something, otherwise this is going to keep going on." And I hit her back. I knew I probably couldn't beat her by force. I didn't have that orientation to life. The act of hitting her back, well, she stopped.
This was in Kentucky, in Harlan County. I am 54 years old, so this was at least 40 years ago, but I still remember it.
Marian Wright Edelman, founder and president of the Children's Defense Fund
Yes, I was bullied. No one has not been bullied. We have children who witness abuse and neglect; we have a culture of violence that we sell to children. We need to stop the adult hypocrisy – glorifying violence. No one becomes a bully overnight. We need to try to teach children by example and thoughtful preparation. We have tolerated and encouraged bullying by creating this culture of violence.
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.), from her 1996 book, "It Takes a Village"
When my family moved to Park Ridge [a Chicago suburb], I was 4 years old and eager to make new friends. Every time I walked out the door, with a bow in my hair and hopeful look on my face, the neighborhood kids would torment me, pushing me, knocking me down and teasing me until I burst into tears and ran back in the house, where I would stay for the rest of the day. Such was the fate of the new kid on the block. After this had gone on for several weeks, my mother met me one day as I ran in the door. She took me by the shoulders, told me there was no room for cowards in our house and sent me back outside. I was shocked, and so were the neighborhood kids, who had not expected to see me so soon.
When they challenged me again, I stood up for myself and finally won some friends. . . .
Parents have to concentrate on instilling self-discipline, self-control and self-respect early on, and then must allow their children to practice those skills the way they would let them exercise their muscles or their brains.
As my mother taught me, even very young children can be given a sense of strength in the face of indifference or cruelty. Part of that strength comes from experiencing appropriate discipline."
Rabbi M. Bruce Lustig, senior rabbi of Washington Hebrew Congregation
I remember distinctly, going all the way back to first grade, which is a long time ago. I'm 43. I was on the playground at my school in Nashville, Tennessee. I remember these two boys, who for no reason were picking on me. I remember the strange, bewildered feeling that I had, that I really felt I had done nothing. It was the first time I ever experienced somebody not being nice. I remember I was pushed down. I remember telling my dad about it. My dad wanted to know what happened and then told me I had to learn to stand up for myself. What he also told me, though, was that it is all right to push somebody back, but it is never all right to push somebody back harder than they pushed you.
Don't let somebody push you into being something you aren't. Don't let their lack of civility or bullying turn you into equally the wrong sort of thing. That's my memory.
To this day I sort of connect it to the Jewish text. At Passover, we are reminded that . . . the last thing that God does to Pharaoh is the first thing that Pharaoh does to the Israelites. We shouldn't be vengeful. We should always have measured justice.
Ruby Dee, actress and civil rights activist
I never bullied or was involved in bullying. I was a street fighter. I loved to fight and had a thing about showing my muscles. I protected my sister.
[For kids today:] Try to believe that everyone you meet, no matter what they say, is a person who needs help and may be in trouble. When someone is bullying you, think: What do you need, my friend? And don't be afraid.
Staff writer Patrice Gaines contributed to this report.
