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ComPost: October, 2013

Posted at 04:23 PM ET, 10/31/2013

Good news from the FAA! You need never put down your phone again!

Hooray! We need never be alone with our thoughts again!

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:23 PM ET, 10/31/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  faa, phones

Posted at 02:31 PM ET, 10/31/2013

For Halloween, the 10 most terrifying one-sentence modern horror stories you will read today

Boo!

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:31 PM ET, 10/31/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  halloween, technology

Posted at 04:01 PM ET, 10/30/2013

Woman handing out rude letters to ‘obese’ kids on Halloween

But if you do, at least say something helpful!

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:01 PM ET, 10/30/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  halloween, obesity

Posted at 05:21 PM ET, 10/29/2013

In defense of the habitually late

An apologia.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:21 PM ET, 10/29/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  lateness

Posted at 01:24 PM ET, 10/29/2013

Rand Paul uses Wikipedia for eugenics speech

No citation needed.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:24 PM ET, 10/29/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  wikipedia

Posted at 03:04 PM ET, 10/28/2013

So you’ve been listening to Europe’s phone calls -- how to regain your partner’s trust

We will need a really big Edible Arrangement.

By Alexandra Petri  |  03:04 PM ET, 10/28/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  snooping

Posted at 01:37 PM ET, 10/28/2013

12 words you should stop using right now

Your life will improve, epically!

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:37 PM ET, 10/28/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  language, words

Posted at 12:13 PM ET, 10/28/2013

Is my Halloween costume horribly offensive?

A quick flow-chart.

By Alexandra Petri  |  12:13 PM ET, 10/28/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  halloween

Posted at 07:24 PM ET, 10/25/2013

Don’t misunderestimate Russell Brand!

Or you might accidentally trigger a revolution.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:24 PM ET, 10/25/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  interviews, revolutions, russell brand

Posted at 04:49 PM ET, 10/25/2013

A Daily Show segment shows us what to never say on television (or off)

A master class, on the Daily Show.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:49 PM ET, 10/25/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 01:20 PM ET, 10/25/2013

Everyone, stop getting drunk!

This is good practical advice no matter who you are.

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:20 PM ET, 10/25/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  binge drinking, Emily Yoffe, rape

Posted at 06:25 PM ET, 10/24/2013

Others who could tackle the lead role of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

This will help!

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:25 PM ET, 10/24/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 05:13 PM ET, 10/24/2013

Top 10 2013 Halloween Couples Costumes for Singles

You’re welcome!

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:13 PM ET, 10/24/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  halloween

Posted at 04:03 PM ET, 10/24/2013

After Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, can we end these public proposal shenanigans?

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:03 PM ET, 10/24/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)

Posted at 04:25 PM ET, 10/22/2013

Happy Snark-Free Day, because this is a great idea that will work really well

Have a snark-free day!

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:25 PM ET, 10/22/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  snark

Posted at 06:49 PM ET, 10/21/2013

The Obamacare Web site works so well, you should call this hotline!

Just call this number!

By Alexandra Petri  |  06:49 PM ET, 10/21/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Internet, obamacare

Posted at 01:28 PM ET, 10/18/2013

This is why we can’t have nice things, Boy Scout leaders and giant falling rock edition

Boy Scout Leaders topple ancient rock

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:28 PM ET, 10/18/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ugh

Posted at 08:39 AM ET, 10/18/2013

‘I’m not saying she deserved to be raped, but,’ and other ways to never start a sentence

Especially a sentence about Maryville.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:39 AM ET, 10/18/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  ugh

Posted at 05:19 PM ET, 10/17/2013

All classic books should be banned! Thanks, Alamogordo parent!

Neil Gaiman’s ‘Neverwhere’ challenged because of Highly Objectionable Sex on page 86.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:19 PM ET, 10/17/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  books, censorship

Posted at 02:32 PM ET, 10/17/2013

Top 25 topical Halloween costumes for 2013

You’re welcome!

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:32 PM ET, 10/17/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  halloween

Posted at 08:27 AM ET, 10/17/2013

The 10 big obvious victories of shutting down the government

This went really well, I think.

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:27 AM ET, 10/17/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  government shutdown, tortilla coast

Posted at 09:47 AM ET, 10/15/2013

From the debt ceiling and the shutdown to Superman and Pacific Rim, our apocalypse problem

I feel fine.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:47 AM ET, 10/15/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  apocalypse, debt ceiling

Posted at 09:15 AM ET, 10/15/2013

NSA complains that it has access to too much data. Actually.

This haystack approach has gone too far.

By Alexandra Petri  |  09:15 AM ET, 10/15/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  NSA

Posted at 02:43 PM ET, 10/14/2013

The most glorious TED Talk takedown you will witness before 2070

This is genius, and I mean that in the new sense of the word.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:43 PM ET, 10/14/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  TED

Posted at 10:24 AM ET, 10/14/2013

How do you celebrate Columbus Day?

Commandeer something?

By Alexandra Petri  |  10:24 AM ET, 10/14/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  columbus

Posted at 08:01 AM ET, 10/10/2013

The art of looking up

Look up!

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:01 AM ET, 10/10/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  smartphones

Posted at 07:19 AM ET, 10/10/2013

A few suggestions for the Nobel Committees

Some lesser-known candidates.

By Alexandra Petri  |  07:19 AM ET, 10/10/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  nobel

Posted at 05:19 PM ET, 10/08/2013

Truckers pull back from threat to create unbearable gridlock

This seems ill-advised somehow.

By Alexandra Petri  |  05:19 PM ET, 10/08/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  shutdown, truckers

Posted at 02:01 PM ET, 10/07/2013

Please stop having dumb opinions about Millennials

We get it. This can stop.

By Alexandra Petri  |  02:01 PM ET, 10/07/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  millennials

Posted at 04:31 PM ET, 10/04/2013

Totally unrelated ‘TWTRQ’ stock soars with news of Twitter IPO, because people are the best

We totally understand how the stock market works.

By Alexandra Petri  |  04:31 PM ET, 10/04/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  Twitter, TWTR

Posted at 01:36 PM ET, 10/04/2013

‘The Giver’ will be a movie starring Taylor Swift, and everything is the worst

Release me!

By Alexandra Petri  |  01:36 PM ET, 10/04/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  the giver

Posted at 11:27 AM ET, 10/04/2013

This is what happens when you post on Craigslist for a shutdown hookup

No responses yet!

By Alexandra Petri  |  11:27 AM ET, 10/04/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  craigslist, hookup, shutdown

Posted at 08:48 AM ET, 10/01/2013

Mommy, what did you do in the Great Shutdown?

Shut it all down!

By Alexandra Petri  |  08:48 AM ET, 10/01/2013 |  Permalink  |  Comments ( 0)
Tags:  shutdown

 

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