Dare I say it: Porch Season has arrived. Or am I losing it? This is not a trivial declaration. One doesn’t want to make a mistake when it comes to something this important.
You might think it’s no big deal to declare a slightly early start to the season, but I don’t want my people to start porching if they’re not fully prepared. You don’t want to start porching if you’re not in shape. You could pull a hammy. I’ve seen people on a swinging bench over-swing with calamitous results. My advice to everyone is: Take it slow. Stretch first. Drink plenty of water. Porch in moderation.
Meteorological spring is already in fourth gear. The bulbs are exploding from the ground like ICBMs. The sap is rising so fast in the trees it sounds like firehose. We had no winter this year, and I’m hearing rumors of a bad bug season, of stink bugs run amok and skeeters the size of crows. Unsuppressed by a hard freeze, the natural world this spring may jump at us with frightening velocity. Small dogs will be attacked by daffodils. If you’ve ever seen a cat devoured by forsythia it’s a vision you’ll never be able to put out of your mind.
In the news, we had Super Tuesday yesterday, which was the usual muddle. A good for Romney, but not a great day. As a closer he’s no Mariano Rivera. I helped out (rewrite) on the voter story in today’s paper. The upshot is that the Republican electorate is not thrilled with the choices on the ballot and has recoiled from the rancor of the primary season. But most of all, the Republicans don’t like Obama. That’s what the eventual nominee has going for him. This election will be a referendum on the president.
But I may revise this opinion later, while porching.
(Interloper’s note: For all the non-porch-owning folks out there (don’t sideline us, Joel!) I present to you a small film honoring stoop sitting — Melissa Bell)