Last week we learned that the economy added 243,000 jobs in January. Now we know that roughly a third of them were jobs in Madonna’s halftime show. Herein lies the secret to America’s economic recovery: More cowbell.
In the old days, a football halftime show featured a marching band that awed and astonished the crowd by playing instruments while somehow not colliding with anything. Now, a marching band is just a tiny element of a much larger production with a Greco-Roman-Egyptian-Sumerian-Babylonian theme. Over-the-top is the baseline, and then you add elements, including potty-mouthed rappers, cheerleaders and a guy bouncing on a high wire. Watching Madonna last night, everyone surely had the same thought: This number needs parachuting barbarians. We need Genghis Khan and his hordes making a big entrance! And where was Noah’s ark? Couldn’t we get some elephants in there, some zebras, some llamas? A major missed opportunity.
There wasn’s supposed to be any controversy, but rapper M.I.A. flipped a bird and used a clearly audible profanity, which, somehow, the bleepers in charge of bleeping failed to bleep, because who could possibly imagine that a rapper during a Super Bowl halftime show would try to get some instant notoriety by going off script and being vulgar? Who could possibly be prepared for such a thing?
“Vogue” and “Like a Prayer” were good numbers by Madonna, but I wanted to hear “Borderline,” “Lucky Star,” and “Get Into the Groove” more than I wanted to hear those recent songs of hers, by which I mean the songs she’s recorded in the last 20 years or so. Madonna looks great for someone born during the Eisenhower Administration.
In fact — now talking football — Madonna was more mobile on Sunday than Gronkowski!
She absolutely would’ve caught that tipped Hail Mary pass at the end.