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Posted at 02:30 PM ET, 04/03/2012

Ten ‘reasons’ why fast food may lead to depression


Could a Run to the Border lead to a run to the shrink's office? (George Widman/Associated Press)
News of the study was published April 2, no doubt to avoid any April Fool’s Day connections. After all, on the surface of it, the study’s results sound almost like a prank: that there is a direct connection between fast food and the risk of depression.

Wrote Traci Pedersen with the PsychCentral Web site:

The findings reveal that consumers of fast food are 51 percent more likely to develop depression than minimal or non-consumers.

Maybe these results raise a chicken-or-egg question for you: Which came first — the fast food or the depression? Do the depressed seek out fast food because they lack the motivation to cook for themselves or does fast food help create a depressed state of mind? The study clearly suggests the latter, due to the lack of certain nutrients in fast food.

But I think the authors might have overlooked a few reasons why fast food could lead to depression. Such as:

1. Two Happy Meals really do cancel each other out.

2. The entire state of Kentucky lives in a perpetual state of ennui for forcing KFC to change its name.

3. Three words: Drive-thru windows. Walk more, people!

4. You haven’t eaten fresh fruit in 14 years.

5. You never got over the passing of Dave Thomas .

6. Jared’s “Pants Dance” game only keeps your plush tush tied to the computer chair longer.

7. Unwrapping/eating your lunch while driving (instead of watching the road) has turned your car into dented crash-test dummy vehicle.

8. Your best friend and closest confidant is the crackly little voice inside the drive-thru speaker.

9. You could no longer fall asleep after viewing the “Wake Up With the King” commercial.

10. Contrary to popular opinion, prolonged exposure to clowns decreases one’s serotonin levels.

Now, just to clarify for those of you already starting to fire up an angry comment: This is meant for a laugh, whether it elicited one or not. Depression itself is no laughing matter.

By  |  02:30 PM ET, 04/03/2012

Tags:  Tim Carman

 
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