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Posted at 09:57 PM ET, 07/11/2011

SpongeBob, in first interview, talks education

Nickelodeon’s new Made-for-Twitter SpongeBob SquarePants ad­ven­ture gives me an excuse to give you another chance to read my exclusive interview with SpongeBob (just in case you missed it, and I know most of you did). SpongeBob’s Twitter ad­ven­ture, called “The Ice Race Cometh: A Twitter-Tale,” will run from Tuesday through Friday.

The adventure is the first to be written by the SpongeBob crew exclusively for Twitter. It begins with a tweet from Bikini Bottom’s Action News about an entrepreneur offering 1 million clams to whoever wins a sleigh race. That starts a fury of tweets that can be tracked via a Twitter List or a custom tab on the SpongeBob Facebook page. The ad­ven­ture ends on Friday just before the start of a new regular episode called “Frozen Face Off.”

If you love SpongeBob but are slightly embarrassed to admit it, don’t be: About a third of the show’s audience is adults, according to Nickelodeon. SpongeBob, according to Nickelodeon, has garnered 25 million fans on Facebook, more than The Beatles and President Obama.

Early this year SpongeBob agreed to his first-ever interview, with me, because, I like to think, he thinks education is so important. The questions (developed with the assistance of my daughters) were put to SpongeBob by Bikini Bottom’s own news anchor, Perch Perkins.

Q) SpongeBob, we know you have attended Mrs. Puff's Boating School. Are there other schools in Bikini Bottom? If so, what are they, have you attended, and how did you do?


A) I did attend a three-day symposium on operating milkshake dispenser. I did very well and received a class 3 operating permit, for chocolate and vanilla shakes, but didn't pass the strawberry part of the exam, which turned out OK because Mr. Krabs sold his milkshake maker due to rising powdered milk costs.

Q) Why are you having so much trouble graduating from the boating school?
A) Mrs. Puff holds me to a slightly higher standard than most of her students and I will honor her by taking the test as many times as she deems necessary.

Q) If you were a teacher, what subject would you want to teach? Why?
A) I would love to teach bubble blowing if the local community college ever decides to add it to the curriculum. It's a great artistic outlet and a perfect way to blow off the stresses that the work-a-day world throws at you.

Q) What do you think makes a good teacher?
A) Someone who knows more about the subject than the students.

Q) Was it hard learning the Krabby Patty formula? Could you teach it to us?
A) Naw it was easy, you just start with 2 cups of ...HEY WAIT A SECOND!!!! YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME!!!! THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA IS THE SOLE PROPERTY OF THE KRUSTY KRAB. UNAUTHORIZED USE IS PUNISHABLE TO THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW! Plus Mr. Krabs would be super mad at me.

Q) Is Sandy as smart as she seems?
A) How many squirrels do you know that built rocket ships and flew them to the moon, built whirly-birds that run on coconut milk, or have a secret army of robots in their tool-sheds? Most squirrels don't even have enough nuts in storage to get them through the winter.

Q) Do you think Patrick is teachable?
A) There are people in this world who transcend "learning." Patrick is one of them. He is a force of nature, and blessed with knowledge the way some people are blessed with a full head of hair. It just sprouts up from their head like a kelp field waving majestically in the wind, constantly in need of a trim.

Q) If you could go back to any school, which school would it be and what would you want to study?
A) Still looking to pass that elusive strawberry shake exam, or maybe another language, like Salmonese.

Q) What subject do you think everybody in Bikini Bottom should take?
A) I think the rec center is offering a class in table manners.

Here are some other conversations about education that I've had with Attorney General Eric Holder, musician John Legend and legendary producer Quincy Jones, Zac Efron, and chef Paula Deen.

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By  |  09:57 PM ET, 07/11/2011

 
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