Our yearly celebration of both superficiality and scholarship — the Miss America Pageant — has arrived. While the judges have their work cut out for them in determining who takes the big crown Saturday night in Las Vegas, a glimpse at the contestant videos offers another look at this year’s crop of beauty queens.
Each contestant made a 50-second video to highlight her accomplishments and encourage viewers to vote for them in an online poll. In their quest to stand out, many of the state winners revealed some surprising things about themselves. There can be only one Miss America, but based on their videos, here are some other pageant titles that could be awarded to this year’s contestants:
Miss Geography: Miss New Mexico, Sarina Turnbull, reminds us that her state is indeed a part of the U.S.A, not Mexico, in her public service announcement.
Miss Poet Laureate: Miss Georgia, Michaela Lackey. She created an acrostic poem out of her name — “Miss America Helps Creativity Take Flight Again.” She then explains her passionate dedication to the ideals of Miss America, exclaiming, “Oh no!” as she pulls a giant sticker that says "passion" off of her, and ripping it.
Miss Identity Crisis: Miss D.C., Ashley Boalch, said she had to “Man up,” when she was told she could no longer wear her baseball cap. "I hope to be the last man standing," she says.
Miss Mustache: Yeah, Miss Missouri, it’s pretty weird to see a beauty queen with a mustache. "It's a pretty good look on me," says Sydney Friar, as she does her best Ron Burgundy impersonation.
Miss Stereotype: "My name is Ann-Blair, it rhymes with great hair!" says Miss Kentucky, Ann-Blair Thornton, as she sprays enough Aqua Net to ignite her head. She says three times that her favorite movie is “Miss Congeniality,” and then plays "Mary Had a Little Lamb" on a kids’ piano. She's trying to act like a dumb beauty queen pageant contestant. Get it? Except she plays the role a little too convincingly.
Miss Produce Spokeswoman: "Marilyn Monroe once said that diamonds are a girl's best friend. Here in Idaho, potatoes are our best friend," says Miss Idaho, Genevieve Nutting.
Miss Miniature: At 5-foot-2, Miss Oklahoma, Betty Thompson, is one of the shortest contestants — she calls it “fun-sized.” She says her “secret weapon” (for what?) is milk.
Miss Guaranteed-to-Get-a-Spokesmodel-Gig: Miss South Carolina, Bree Boyce, who used to weigh 234 pounds. She lost the weight through diet and exercise.
Miss Self-esteem: Miss Hawaii, Lauren Cheape, demonstrates how to do a criss-cross jump-rope trick. "Give yourself a great big hug, you love yourself," she says as she demonstrates, hitting herself with the rope on the first try.
The Miss America Pageant will air Jan. 14 at 9 p.m. EST on ABC.