Valentine’s Day advice — for better or for worse — is everywhere right now. And we’re going to make it even more unavoidable: Presenting you with more advice than you’ll ever want or need for Feb. 14, from anyone on the Internet who is willing to give it. Some of it is sensible. Some of it is ridiculous. Some of it is from Pippa Middleton. Read on, and adjust your romantic plans accordingly.
Do not buy your beloved a workout tape (Miami New Times).
If your girlfriend or wife says she doesn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, send her pink and white roses instead of red (Men’s Health).
If you have been dating your boyfriend less than three months, buy him a Michael Crichton novel (Cosmopolitan).
Affordable art, like Steve Lambert’s print that says “We have had sex in this room,” makes a great quirky Valentine’s Day gift (The Huffington Post).
You could try this “Lust-worthy loungewear” (Refinery 29).
There is such a thing as a “Vacation sex” candle (Cosmopolitan).
Gentlemen who do not want to be slapped should avoid these funny cards (Complex).
They should also avoid these books (The Huffington Post).
Do not buy gifts that were made by child laborers (The Huffington Post).
Victoria’s Secret panties are always a good gift, according to Victoria’s Secret models (Gossip Center).
If you are alone on Valentine’s Day, buy yourself the entire Twilight Saga (Cosmopolitan).
Avoid heart-shaped gifts (Forbes).
Double umbrella: Romantic and smart (iVillage)
You can never go wrong with French toast, served in bed (Men’s Health).
Tiramisu martinis are a sexy Valentine’s Day cocktail (Redbook)
Take your mistress to lunch, not dinner (Esquire).
“How about dipping marshmallows and fruit skewers of banana, grapes and strawberries into a molten chocolate fountain. Everyone can join in – just make sure you have napkins at the ready as things may get messy!” — Pippa Middleton’s Party Times Web site (People).
Three words: DIY Cheese Kit (Forbes).
It’s okay if you burn your Valentine’s Day brownies (Esquire).
Look for romantic wine names (The Washington Post).
Fondue is a dessert that says “I Love You.” (Oprah)
Do not send perishable Valentine’s Day food items to our armed forces (Food Safety and Inspection Service, USDA).
Build your partner a “Temple of Love” (Esquire).
“I’d say it’s all about the element of surprise,” said Hugh Jackman. “If you’ve given something in the past, do something new. If you’ve never given chocolates, then I say go for it, maybe just not 6,000 of them” (Fox News)
Go on a tour of a sewage plant (The Huffington Post)
If your girlfriend is clingy, take her ice skating (Esquire)
Make sure you have enough life insurance (Forbes)
Do not watch “The Walking Dead” together on Valentine’s Day (San Francisco Bay Times).
Do anti-gravity yoga (Om Factory NYC)
You can propose to your partner over Pizza Hut, but we suggest that you don’t (Style Blog).
Or just don’t get engaged on Valentine’s Day, period (The Washington Times).
But if you do: Book restaurants, theater tickets, transportation, guy gift and a “mystery” card, and think of the most romantic moments from your relationship to talk about (Paparazzi Proposals).
Do not assume that material gifts on Valentine’s Day are more important than receiving the gift of time from the one you love (Examiner).
Women spending Valentine’s Day alone: Go to bars, watch movies with sexy male celebrities, organize a Secret Santa-like gift exchange with other pals, skip work and go to the movies, treat yourself to a mani-pedi (Cosmopolitan).
Men spending Valentine’s Day alone: Do nothing (AskMen).
“If you have a crush on someone and you’re going to wait until Valentine’s Day to ask them out, I’d say you’re an idiot.” — JWoww, of the “Jersey Shore” (Cambio).
Watch the movie “Fatal Attraction” (CNN).
Take a pole-dancing class with your single friends (FitSugar).
Spend money on your pets (PetSugar).
Feel bad for your coupled friends (YourTango).
Create a “Game Plan” to change your life for the better (Richmond.com).
“Keep in mind that no happy person is stealing your happiness” — Dear Prudence (Slate).
Watch the webshow “I Hate Being Single” (Style Blog).