Okay, kids. Halloween is one week away. That means you need a costume.
Sure, you could just get a Rubber Man outfit (like you don’t have one already). Or you could close your eyes and grab something off a rack at Party City, like you did that year you went as a sexy hot dog. (P.S. That’s a real thing.) Or you could opt for one of these costumes inspired by recent memes, all of which are viable options.
Or, in the interest of handling this as quickly and with as little thought as possible, you could consider one of the 10 laziest celebrity- and pop culture-inspired Halloween costume ideas of 2012, as listed below. All of them are very timely, yet completely low-effort, leaving you with plenty of extra time to binge on candy corns while enjoying a “Walking Dead” marathon. You are welcome.
All you need is a curly blond wing, some deep-red lipstick, a cute black dress, a red guitar and the capacity to sing catchy break-up songs that sound like they could be about Jake Gyllenhaal. Looking for that extra touch to make it something special? Carry a fake note that excuses Connor Kennedy from seventh-period science.
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis
A super-easy couples option. All you have to do is wear matching outfits like this one and spend the evening canoodling. Done.
Ben Affleck in “Argo”
Honestly, all you need is your ‘70s Leisure Suit Guy costume and some form of that haircut and beard, both of which probably came with the ‘70s Leisure Suit Guy costume you bought in 1998.
The E! Mani-cam
Remember when E! unveiled its mani-cam during the Emmy Awards red carpet pre-show and it seemed like the dumbest thing ever? Well, it seems pretty clever now that you need a Halloween costume, doesn’t it? Recreating this will require a little — but not too much — effort. All you need is a shoebox with some crimson felt glued to the bottom, the words E! Red carpet written on one side, some painted finger nails and a hole in the shoebox that allows you to fit your hand in there and let it walk the mini-carpet all night long. Your friends will be so impressed that they won’t be able to stop saying things like “Oh my God, what is that?” and “Wait, it’s what?” and “They actually did this on live television?”
Potential “Friday Night Lights” copyright infringement
All you need is a “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” T-shirt and a Mitt Romney bumper sticker. Or, alternatively, a Mitt Romney T-shirt, a Dillon Panthers hat and a “Clear eyes, full hearts” bracelet.
As Maura Judkis noted in her meme-costumes piece, “Gangnam Style” will probably be big this Halloween. It’s already making a splash at a Leesburg house that has synched up its decorations to the inescapable dance track, allowing it to fulfill its inevitable destiny as the basis for a light show.
To be the rapper responsible for the K-Pop wave, you just need a blazer, a bow tie, sunglasses and a capacity to do the pony dance. I mean, this is as easy as it gets. There are at least 25 guys walking around on Capitol Hill right now who largely fit this description. Added bonus: lose the sunglasses, replace the blazer with a sweater vest and you can go as Blaine from “Glee.”
Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey
To be Minaj, just get a crazy-colored wig, dress in a form-fitting, slightly outrageous cat-suit and run your mouth a lot. To be Carey, don big sunglasses, a long, flowy wig and carry a pair of doll babies labeled, respectively, Roc and Ro. Then fight with each other all night — and tweet about it.
Sister Jude from “American Horror Story: Asylum”
All this entails is wearing a standard nun costume. But make sure that there’s a red negligee hiding beneath it and that throughout the night you say things like “patriarchal male” and hit the “l” syllable hard.
Needed: Deputy sheriff’s hat and sassy attitude. That’s. It.
Got a tuxedo? Got a martini glass (or, to modernize the look, a Heineken)? Got a steely gaze that can intimidate men and seduce women? Then welcome to Halloween, Mr. Bond.