Inspired by smarty-pants Gene Weingarten's Googlenope experiments, McSweeney's hilarious list of lists and a predilection for the absurd, today we convene to create an alternate Celebritology universe, one where anything is possible and the improbable is to be expected.
How? By creating a list of headlines we would probably never see in Celebritology.
Our mission today is to craft headlines so outrageously unlikely, yet logical enough to make a twisted kind of sense. Like so:
Paris Hilton Beats IBM Chess Computer
Britney Spears Thanks the Academy, Fans for Top Acting Honor
President Willis: 'Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er.'
No More Albums from 11-Years-Dead Rapper Tupac Shakur
Frances Bean Cobain Thanks Mom for Solid Start
Brad Pitt: Woody Allen an Inspiration
You get the idea. The 10 best headlines (as judged by an esteemed panel consisting of me and editrix Nancy Kerr) will be chosen and displayed here Monday.
Let's get started...