“Glee” returned from its seven-week hiatus Tuesday night and finally gave us the details on what happened after Quinn’s horrible car crash.
Turns out — spoiler alert — she’s alive, but wheelchair-bound and hopeful she’ll regain feeling in her lower extremities. “Glee” also gave us the good news that Finn and Rachel didn’t get married (because of the upsetting information about said car crash), and of course are now doubting their plans because Finn is considering moving to Los Angeles to clean pools with Puck. (Good business model, Puck — surely no one in L.A. has already spotted the revenue opportunities in all those swimming pools.)
But most importantly, the return of “Glee” gave us this.
Yes, Matthew Bomer guest starred as the cleverly named Cooper Anderson, brother of Blaine Anderson (Darren Criss) and an actor famous for his nuanced work in a “Free Credit Rating” commercial.
“Blaine, your brother is the best-looking man in North America,” Kurt declared upon meeting his boyfriend’s sibling. I am inclined to agree. I am also inclined to note that Bomer’s chiseled face was the most interesting thing in what was, overall, a pretty lackluster episode of “Glee.” Oh, and I’d also like to say, for the record, that if any of the cable networks decide to launch a show called “Here’s Bomer: One Hour of Extreme Matt Bomer Close-Ups Starring Matt Bomer, With Cameo Appearances by Matt Bomer’s Equally Handsome Clones,” well, I would watch that. Just something to consider.
Before moving on to the musical numbers assessment, I should probably also note that Sue Sylvester found out that her unborn baby girl likely has Down syndrome, and that she’s also still feuding with Nene Leakes, who is now co-coach of the Cheerios. Great — I just noted that. Now we can proceed directly to the songs, and more of this.
“I’m Still Standing” — Quinn and Artie
“Glee’s” two wheelchair-bound leads covered this Elton John hit to declare their triumph over their disabilities. A nice sentiment, but something about this segment wasn’t as dynamic as it should have been. It’s tempting to blame that on the immobility of performers Dianna Agron and Kevin McHale but, as a subsequent number in the episode demonstrated, it’s possible to convey movement and excitement even when the actors can’t get up and dance. Maybe a more clever edit would have helped? In any case, I give it a C.
“Hungry Like the Wolf”/“Rio” mash-up — Blaine and Cooper
Apparently Blaine and his brother used to do “dueling Simon LeBon impressions” when they were kids. Honestly, I didn’t see a whole lot of LeBon in their approach to this Duran Duran mash-up. They were fun to watch. And Darren Criss, I applaud you for convincing me that you actually wanted to leap on top of that piano and weren’t just doing so because blocking demanded it. But something about this cover sucked all the cherry ice cream smile out of the originals. Am I biased due to my lifelong appreciation of Duran Duran? Maybe. But I still have to give another C.
“Fighter” — Blaine
You won’t like the Hulk when he’s angry, but you will like Darren Criss, because he sings Christina Aguilera tunes with conviction while also hitting punching bags and taking showers during which the water bounces off his back in a visually alluring canopy. As an added bonus, he also jumped on stage and stood in front of a bunch of TVs that inexplicably had been stacked there and were simultaneously broadcasting images of Matt Bomer. Make sense? Not a bit. But who cares? Bomer! Grade: B-.
“Up, Up, Up” — Whole cast
Ah, the classic senior skip day number. This was the most energetic set piece of the night, cutting between the kids’ roller coaster ride through Six Flags (thank God they didn’t run into this guy, who, come to think of it, kind of dresses like Blaine) and Artie and Quinn’s visit to the disabled-centric skate park. This number boasted all the energy the first Artie/Quinn pairing lacked. And it made nice use of the infectious Givers song. Grade: B.
“Somebody That I Used to Know” — Blaine and Cooper
What’s that, “Glee”? You want to deliver more Bomer before shutting down for the week? And you want to deliver that in the form of an intense Gotye face-off of handsomeness between Bomer and Criss, a face-off that improbably allows them to resolve their long-simmering differences in less than three minutes? Fine. You want to play like that, then I’ll go right ahead and give you a B+. And yes, you got the plus because Matthew Bomer is just so darn handsome. But don’t take my word for it. Watch and verify.