Jason Alexander — the guy who was married to Britney Spears in 2004 for less time than it takes most people to finish eating a foot-long sub — is apparently not very happy that his ex has gotten engaged to Jason Trawick.
Alexander, who is now a mixed martial arts fighter, spoke to Us magazine about the engagement news, news that Spears’s other ex-husband, Kevin Federline — you know, the one she was legitimately married to for a lot longer than 55 hours — seemed very happy about.
To some degree, the statements by Alexander, a childhood friend of Spears’s, suggest a bitterness and possible lack of maturity that mirrors the frequent bitterness and lack of maturity demonstrated by George Costanza, the character played by actor Jason Alexander on “Seinfeld.”
Hey, here’s an idea. Let’s compare quotes from the two and see if they sound like they came from the same person.
* Note: Jason Alexander the actor has not commented on Britney Spears’s engagement. But we suspect he is more upbeat about it than his similarly named counterpart.
“I know everyone wants me to be happy about this, but I am not. I think it’s fake and I think people are afraid to say it.”
That’s the beginning of Alexander’s statement to Us. Candid, cynical and indicative of a certain lack of faith in humanity.
“I really can’t comprehend how stupid people can be sometimes. Can you comprehend it? . . . I mean, we can put a man on the moon but we’re still basically very stupid.”
That’s Jason Alexander as George Costanza, commenting on the fact that someone double parked and blocked his car during the season five episode “The Dinner Party.” Different words, obviously. But don’t both Alexanders kind of mean the same thing?
“If you look at all the pictures between them there is no connection. They look like they are going through the motions. It seems like a answer to the court thing.”
That’s the younger Alexander in Us again, doubting the love between Spears and Trawick.
“Divorce is very difficult, especially on the kids. Of course, I’m the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.”
That’s Alexander the actor as George, making a comment to the daughter of NBC executive Russell Dalrymple — a daughter played, for the record, by Denise Richards — during a season four episode of “Seinfeld.” See, here Costanza-Alexander leaves room for possibilities with that “you never know” kicker, whereas Spears-Alexander is convinced that the marriage of his former wife and her agent is all a sham. Clearly we’re comparing Jason Alexander-apples to Jason Alexander-oranges, but since this entire thing is an exercise in absurdity to begin with, let’s just say this suggests that the non-“Seinfeld” Alexander may be more bitter.
“Sort of a nice way to sew it all up, she marries her handler. That way she always has someone controlling her. It’s sort of sad.”
That’s Alexander in Us, definitely sounding skeptical and bitter, but also capable of taking semi-condescending pity on the “Slave 4 U” singer. Of course, if you think he might have a point, then he just sounds brutally honest here.
“Jerry, just remember — it’s not a lie if you believe it.”
That’s Alexander as George Costanza, giving Jerry some solid advice about how to pass a lie detector test so he won’t have to admit he watches “Melrose Place.” But in a way, isn’t he also describing the situation that the other Jason Alexander thinks Spears is perpetuating: living a lie but believing in it?
Feel free to share your thoughts on MMA fighter Jason Alexander’s response to Spears’s plans to wed. But be careful before you wade into the comments section. The sea could be angry today, my friends.