Jennifer Garner and Aaron Paul are among the stars of a new version of “The Breakfast Club.”
Hold on. Before you freak out and go on a John Bender-esque tirade that will likely result in you getting locked in a closet while Principal Vernon threatens to punch you — relax. Garner and Paul are merely two of the actors participating in a one-night-only staged reading of the John Hughes classic, guided by “Juno” and “Up in the Air” director Jason Reitman.
So who is playing who in said reading, which takes place tonight in L.A.?
Paul of “Breaking Bad” fame will become Judd Nelson’s flannel-wearing rebel, John Bender.
The all-black-clad, disgusting-sandwich-eating outcast, Allison Reynolds, aka Ally Sheedy, will be inhabited by Mindy Kaling of “The Office.”
James Van Der Beek will eat an astoundingly hearty lunch — and confess to having done some unpleasant things to Larry Luster’s buns — in the role of jock Andrew Clark (Emilio Estevez). Hopefully he’ll also squeeze in an “I don’t want your life” joke, which would be highly apropos.
And Patton Oswalt will presumably still have trouble making a functioning elephant lamp in the role of nerdy Brian Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall).
Rounding out the adult side of the Shermer High School crew are Michael Chiklis as Principal Vernon (played in the film by the late Paul Gleason) and J.K. Simmons as the “eyes and ears of this institution, my friends” — Carl the janitor (John Kapelos).
Am I the only one who desperately wishes she lived in L.A. and had a ticket to this? Fingers crossed that someone films this performance and posts it on YouTube.