In which The Washington Post’s Katie Rogers, blogger for The Buzz, recaps the latest Snooki and Situation antics, in semi-mathematical fashion.
After a blip in our weekly “Jersey Shore” by the numbers coverage — (you were all distracted by Snooki’s meatball-in-the-oven news, anyway) — we’re back with a recap of the tenth episode of what could possibly be the show’s final season.
Let’s crunch some numbers:
Snooki-Situation-Jionni stupid drama installments so far this season: 468
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino finally confronted Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s pint-sized lover, Jionni LaValle, and told him the truth about the sordid night in California that has been referred to repeatedly over the last two seasons. (If you haven’t been paying attention, The Situation has been trying to say since Florence that he and Snooki once rubbed their spray tans all over each other in what sounds like a very gruesome double date gone awry.)
The tiny Jionni essentially shrugged off the news. The Situation took this as an affront, but Jionni ran up and laughed about it with Snooki. You would think that this is the most underwhelming plot line since Snooki’s three-episode UTI, but the two friends-turned-enemies ultimatly shake off their hangovers and battled it out in front of the roommates. (Snooki basically spent most of the episode throwing stuff at Mike, while plastic-covered cameras could be spotted filming the “spontaneous” food fight.)
Mike started slowly retelling the story, person by person. The other guys suggested that Snooki and Jionni’s relationship is a joke, and that Jionni was probably cheating on her, too.
In summary: these two will make excellent parents.
Spoiler alerts: 1
“Me and Jionni are going to get married when he proposes,” Snooki announced. “I don’t know when he’ll do it but it’ll be in the near future.”
You know what they say: Nothing like an old-fashioned reality television pregnancy to speed up the process!
Deena dates: 1
So, from what I can gather, the girls are worried that Deena Cortese has been wrapped up in hot guido “Joey” because he might be hanging out with the lone meatball for “Jersey Shore” air time. Or smush time. (But, yeah, probably just air time.)
“I kind of get tired of being single,” Deena told the camera as an acoustic guitar played on the soundtrack.
When Joey called the house (duck phone!), her protective roommates each took turns calling him out on the (duck!) phone.
“When I smell a snake I call him out on it,” Jenni “J-WOWW” Farley said into the (duck!) phone.
Sorry for all the duck phone references. I just felt compelled write about the house dweller that has become the most dynamic cast member.
Guido camping trip: 1
After the group’s fishing trip a couple of weeks ago, the crew decided to go camping expedition. Their land excursion was just as boring that involved water.
Tell us: So, can we stop pretending to pay attention to the show now and just speculate on Snooki’s pregnancy? Guido baby name ideas, anyone?