Did Snooki smush Vinny?
That’s the question as the latest episode of “Jersey Shore” dawns on a frazzled Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. For the first time since birth, Snooki’s up at the crack of dawn seeking consolation from best friend Jenni “J Woww” Farley. Because not only does she have a possible current indiscretion with Vinny Guadagnino to worry about, but a possible past indiscretion with Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino continues to rear its overly-gelled head.
If you haven’t been following, here’s the tired back story that won’t go away: Mike keeps hinting that Snooki hooked up with him once upon a time. Snooki denies it.
“I hate you,” Snooki whispers over her shoulder at Mike as she and Jenni head out to get mimosas.
Bad move. Mike immediately hops on the phone to call a mysterious friend, the amazingly named the Unit — supposedly a witness during the alleged hook-up — for confirmation. Then Mike digs up Snooki’s boyfriend Jionni’s phone number, just in case either of the two decide to inform him of Snooki’s cheating ways. And then Mike hatches a harebrained scheme: He tells roommate Ron Ortiz-Magro that he’s already given Jionni’s phone number to the Unit and that the Unit is going to call Snooki’s boyfriend and tell him she’s a cheater.
This is a blatant lie designed to suss out the group’s gossips, and Mike doesn’t have to wait long; Ron immediately leaks to his girlfriend, Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola.
“Gym, tan, drama today,” Mike says to himself. Because, as usual, none of the roommates are paying any attention to what he says.
Meanwhile, Snooki is gallivanting down the streets of Florence, drinking, harassing nuns and purchasing what looks like a three-gallon bottle of Chianti, which she promptly drops and lets shatter all over a cobblestone street.
“This isn’t real life,” Snooki tells the camera in a docu-style interview. “This is like a video game to me.” (Suddenly the image of a Pac-Man that looks like Snooki simply will not go away.)
But as quickly as this magical interlude begins, it ends when the girls come home from their day-long drinking jaunt. Presumably because she has no current relationship drama of her own to deal with, Sam notifies Snooki of Mike’s plot and soon Snooki is throwing drinks, champagne bottles, furniture and whatever else she can find at Mike.