In which Washington Post social media maven Katie Rogers recaps the last episode of “Jersey Shore’s” fourth season.
It’s the final episode of the “Jersey Shore” gang’s season-four sojourn in Italy. And from the looks of it, they’re all more than ready to say, “Ciao, Italia.”
The episode begins post-club, with Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino helping solidify his status as persona non grata in the house by babbling to a sleeping Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. She doesn’t want to hear it, and neither do any of the other roommates.
“I feel like Mike’s, like, making this house on edge,” Sammi “Sweetheart” Gioncola says in a docu-interview.
So the natural solution is to send her drunken boyfriend (actually, apparently, soon-to-be ex-boyfriend), Ron Ortiz-Magro — unquestionably the group’s worst mediator — to explain to the Sitch that he needs to shape up or get out before the crew moves back to Jersey. Ron’s advice falls on deaf ears.
More ‘Jersey Shore’:
The next day, a few members of the pizzeria posse show up for their last day of work at the restaurant in Italy. The storyline about making these lazy millionaires “work” has been totally dull for about the past three seasons, but this last session with Sam, Paul “DJ Pauly D” DelVecchio and Vinny Guadagnino is slightly more entertaining. But that’s only because drama-free duo Pauly and Vinny are using a microphone to playfully shout at customers on the street.
Sam, on the other hand, is looking for her own way to blow off some steam. When the crew returns to the house, we lucky viewers get to see the houses’s “smush room” in action as Ron and Sam decide to go at it in broad daylight. The session lasts about five minutes and was honestly way less entertaining than the pizzeria segment.
“No wonder why Sam never smiles,” Pauly says with a laugh about the quick mating session.
After this, distraction is needed. Cut to a jumbled club segment, where the roommates, minus a sick Jenni “J-Woww” Farley, check out the nightlife at a new venue. Bored, Snooki and Deena Cortese decide to bounce to a new hot spot to create their own fun.
“I’m having sex with the couch right now,” Snooki comments to Deena as the duo gives yet another crowd of strangers a show. But when another extremely inebriated lady starts to do the same thing, they get judgemental. The two leave, stumble home and end up with soot-blackened feet. Time for a new “Jersey Shore” acronym: TTM — Typical Team Meatball.
The next day, the group heads back to the pizzeria to give owner Marco pieces of their clothing to put on display. This is apparently a tradition. In one of the few tender moments of the season, the group reflects on their time in Italy. Hugs all around.
The good vibes continue with a final family dinner featuring grilled fare. All of the roomies can’t wait to get back to the tanning beds, T-shirt stores and boardwalk rides on the Shore. But first, the crew decides to go on a last-ditch tour of Florence.
“What do you guys like better, art or history?” Vinny asks his roommates, who appear to be unfamiliar with either topic.
Despite this, the crew heads out to see the sites the next day. They’re dismayed by the two hours of walking they’ll have to do. At the Duomo, the largest church in Florence, Mike inquires about a lunch break and J-Woww asks to use the bathroom.
“So they’re real?” Snooki asks the tour guide as she views the stone decorations within the church. “The babies with wings?”
“Those are characters in mythology,” the confused guide responds.
Mike, meanwhile, is feeling a little left out. The roommates totally don’t care. They leave him pouting in the backseat while on the way to another site. And at dinner, when Mike is totally left out of the group photos, he attempts to apologize to the roommates and buys the girls roses. Again, his actions are basically ignored. Same Situation, different country.
On the group’s final night out and ensuing last day in Italy, the rift between Mike and the roommates grows. While the meatballs are so excited for home that they start popping champagne at dawn, Mike attempts to cook a family breakfast for skeptical roommates. He reveals, finally, that he will, in fact, head back to Jersey even though he had dangled the prospect of remaining in Italy.
“You know I always got something up my sleeve,” Mike says to the camera, setting up what MTV producers seem to hope will be the storyline for next season.
Does anyone care? What will the next season at the Shore hold? (As it happens, there are no secrets in reality television: Sarah Anne Hughes already has written a Celebritology post about the GTL crowd’s antics since they left Florence.) Regardless, tell us what you thought of this season in the comments below or by using #Snookinalysis on Twitter.