Dear Johnny Depp,
You may be on top of the world today thanks to those surprising Golden Globe nominations and the release of the new "Pirates" trailer (which looks super fun in a "Pirates" kind of way, despite the addition of Penelope Cruz as a hot-blooded comic foil). But you are -- how shall we say it? -- a dolt when it comes to putting together an ensemble.
Case in point: On Monday in Berlin, you wore the outfit at right to a photo call promoting "The Tourist." I get dizzy when I look at it because of the Indiana Jones-meets-Dockers ad vibe. And, trust me, showing up looking like you grabbed your outfit from the studio props closet will do nothing to make that movie any better.
But, listen, we love you. It's because we love you that we'd like to ask that you cease and desist dressing yourself immediately. Instead, we suggest that you consult with one of your better-dressed friends -- George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio... take your pick -- before going out in public. Heck, even one of your kids could probably do a better job.
It's solid advice. Do you really want to be the guy that makes Jack Sparrow look like a fashionista?