The pregnancy speculation about Kate Middleton can finally be put to rest because Middleton — formally known as the Duchess of Cambridge and the wife of Prince William, a.k.a the Duke of Cambridge — is ACTUALLY PREGNANT.
This is joyous and important news within the celebrity and royal-watching sphere that demands the use of ALL CAPS and bold-faced letters and also lots and lots of exclamation points. (!!!!!! — is that enough? It doesn’t seem like enough.)
Clarence House, the equivalent of the office of the Duke and Duchess, confirmed the news via a somewhat reserved announcement on its Twitter feed and Web site.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a baby - bit.ly/11GYnaj— Clarence House (@ClarenceHouse) December 3, 2012
You guys, come on. Where are your excessive punctuation marks?!?! This is incredibly happy news for both the royal couple and the rest of the world, who will get to fixate on this story the same way we fixated on the royal wedding in 2011. We shall never know boredom again for the next nine months. Even better: we shall never have to read another item deciphering Middleton’s decision not to drink wine for at least the next year. Happy holidays!
Here’s more from the Clarence House official announcement, which starts off sounding almost giddy (you know, for the British) and then makes sure we all know what Hyperemesis Gravidarum is.
“The Queen, The Duke of Edinburgh, The Prince of Wales, The Duchess of Cornwall and Prince Harry and members of both families are delighted with the news,” the statement reads.
Then it adds: “The Duchess was admitted this afternoon to King Edward VII Hospital in Central London with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. As the pregnancy is in its very early stages, Her Royal Highness is expected to stay in hospital for several days and will require a period of rest thereafter. *Notes to Editors: Hyperemesis Gravidarum is very acute morning sickness, which requires supplementary hydration and nutrients.”
Translation: Kate Middleton is feeling very nauseous and needs to drink lots of water. Let’s hope she feels better very soon.
And in the meantime, let’s repeat, with all manner of emphasis added: KATE MIDDLETON IS PREGNANT!!!!!! Feel free to celebrate in the comments section. But I call dibs on buying the “I Heart Mummy” onesie that will undoubtedly appear on their registry.