The Us Weekly scoop about how Kristen Stewart cheated on boyfriend Robert Pattinson with her “Snow White and the Huntsman” director Rupert Sanders is the big celebrity story of the day.
It boasts all the elements Hollywood gossip addicts look for in a juicy scandal: a high-profile celeb couple (arguably the biggest one of the moment); adultery (Sanders is married); betrayal; clandestine romantic encounters; and vampires. Bella cheated on Edward, people. That violates all we thought we knew about romance, assuming that what we knew about romance was learned from reading the books of Stephenie Meyer.
Is the story of Stewart and Sanders’s tryst true? It appears to be, given that Kristen Stewart has now issued a public apology via People: “I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I've caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected,” she said in a statement Wednesday. “This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry.”
Wow. How should we feel about all of this? Let’s look to the Internet for guidance.
Here are the various stages of responding to the Robsten crisis — a crisis that obviously may rock this nation to its very foundations — as demonstrated by various tweets issued today.
Stage one: Denial.
Kristen Stewart loves Robert Pattinson more than ← you ↑ you → you ↓ you ↔ you ↖ you ↗ you ↘ and you ↙ will ever do. Robsten Is Unbroken.— Robeard Hottinson (@KrisbianStewart) July 25, 2012
Kristen Stewart allegedly cheated on Robert Pattinson. This would have never happened with Cho Chang!— The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7) July 25, 2012
Stage two: depression.
I refuse to work until Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson make it through this rough patch.— Fortune Feimster (@fortunefunny) July 25, 2012
Stage three: Cynicism
What? Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson? God bless the PR machine.— Tom + Lorenzo® (@tomandlorenzo) July 25, 2012
Somebody please photoshop me into a picture with Kristen Stewart so I can get some free press.— Larry Richman (@larry411) July 25, 2012
Still more cynicism...
Kristen Stewart can expect an edible arrangement from Tom Cruise in the next day or two.— tierney bricker (@tbrick2) July 25, 2012
Stage four: Understanding
I dunno if I really blame Kristen Stewart. Vampires are notoriously emotionally unavailable— Crissy Milazzo (@frizzyfilazzo) July 25, 2012
Stage five: Finally, acceptance