Lindsay Lohan and her mother, Dina Lohan, allegedly went clubbing in Manhattan Tuesday night, then went home at 4 in the morning, then got into some sort of altercation, and then the cops were called.
This is all according to TMZ, which reports that no arrests were made, a domestic incident report was filed and that Lindsay Lohan — who may or may not have temporarily been held against her will by both her mother and the driver of the car that took them back to Long Island — allegedly sustained a cut on her leg because of all this lunacy.
I mean ... I just ... BLARGH.
Okay, I have a thought about all this recent Lohan business, and I’m just going to throw it out there.
Is it possible — possible — that all these Lohan stories have been circulating to keep her name in the headlines in advance of her big acting comeback in that Lifetime movie about Elizabeth Taylor? Just raising the question here.
Let’s review the most prominent recent incidents involving the former high school transfer student from Africa. First she supposedly grazed a random guy’s knee with her car while parking in a New York garage — the same scene, by the way, to which TMZ says Lohan and Lohan Mom returned Tuesday night. She was arrested on a hit and run charge that later seemed like, to borrow her rep’s words, “much ado about nothing.”
Then she was allegedly assaulted by a Congressional aide after they got into an argument over cell phone photos he had taken of her. Charges against him were later dropped, prompting Lohan’s publicist to declare to the AP that, “Lindsay was assaulted and there needs to be a consequence for that.”
And now we have this alleged altercation between Lohan and her mom, which also didn’t lead to any arrests but sounds horrible.
What are the common denominators in all of these situations?
1. None of them seem likely to have an impact on Lohan’s probation.
2. All of these stories were first broken by TMZ.
3. Each incident prompted another round of “Lindsay Lohan is the hottest mess of cray-cray bad judgment sha-na-na nonsense ever” vs. “She’s had a hard life, give her a break,” as demonstrated via this clip of Cyndi Lauper and Anderson Cooper discussing the hit-and-run incident with — Hey! What do you know? — Harvey Levin of TMZ.
4. In every one of these most recent situations, Lohan can be perceived as the victim: someone who was unfairly accused of committing a hit and run by an opportunist, or someone who was assaulted by a guy (which, if true, is clearly awful), or someone who got into a scrap with her own mother. And being a victim, particularly of intense media scrutiny while dealing with personal struggles, ties in very nicely with her role as Elizabeth Taylor.
“I relate to her on a lot of levels,” Lohan says in this promo for “Liz & Dick.” “Living in the public eye, dealing with the stress of what other people say, whether it’s true or not.”
Maybe every one of the aforementioned snags Lohan has gotten herself in lately is 100 percent for-real. But if the choice now is to think that either: A. Lohan can barely walk 10 feet without stumbling into some new drama that will somehow involve the cops being called; or B. that these incidents are being exaggerated in order to pump up publicity and kick-start her acting career, I’d rather believe option B. Because Option A is just ... I mean ... BLARGH.