Nothing was off limits to the roasters, as cracks about Sheen’s drug use, his relationship with his children and affinity for prostitutes were all the subjects of jokes. So who roasted Sheen most hilariously?
While we would like to give Celebritology readers a full rundown of the jokes made at Sheen’s expense, many are not suitable for The Post’s pages, as Lisa de Moraes pointed out. But read a selection of the best SFW jokes, then rank the roasters in our poll.
Seth MacFarlane, serving as roast master, delivered a fake, quite harsh obituary for Sheen: “Charlie Sheen, who became a tabloid fixture due to his problems with drugs and alcohol, was found dead in his apartment – Actually, you know what? I kinda just copied Amy Winehouse’s obituary. I only had to change three things: the sex of the deceased, the location of the body, and the part that says ‘talent that will be missed.’ ”
TV Column: Charlie Sheen gets roasted
Gallery: Charlie Sheen
“Private Practice” star Kate Walsh hit Sheen with a subject that hurts — his kids: “It’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids.”
Video, which contains NSFW language, of Walsh.
Amy Schumer also went after Sheen’s relationship with his daughters, Lola and Sam: “There’s no denying how famous you are. It was international news when you ruined the lives of those two girls living with you — your daughters,” she said.
Schumer may have lost some points with viewers when she made a joke about Ryan Dunn, the MTV star who died this summer. “When Ryan Dunn died, Steve-O probably was thinking it could’ve been him, with the rest of the world was wondering why it wasn’t,” she said as Steve-O looked on, unamused.
Jeffrey Ross , who was dressed as ousted Libyan leader Moammar Gaddafi, also trend: “If you’re winning, this must not be a child custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in reruns — don’t you want to live to see their first 12 steps?”
Video of Ross with more NSFW language.
Anthony Jeselnik delivered what the A.V. Club called the line of the night: “The only reason you got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox.”
He also told Sheen, “Every moment of your life looks like the first two minutes of ‘Law and Order, SVU.’ ”
Jon Lovitz didn’t quite live up to expectations: “How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men.”
Mike Tyson waxed poetic during his portion of the road, with mixed results: “All the world’s a stage, and Charlie’s been booed off them all.”
He did get in quite a nice jab in at Ross: “During your performance, I wish I bit my own ears off.”
Steve-O, a former addict himself, didn’t think Sheen’s drug and alcohol abuse days are behind him: “Charlie still hasn't hit rock bottom. He's looking forward to it though, because he thinks there's a rock there.”
Video of Steve-O. (Yup, more bad words.)
Patrice O’Neal wondered why Sheen has gotten more work than his brother, Emilio Estevez. He joked that Sheen has tiger blood, while Estevez is selling his for money.
William Shatner, who has been the subject of a roast, wanted Sheen to rethink his attitude toward women. Namely women who are sex workers. “Prostitutes cost a lot of money, Charlie,” he said. “Hasn’t anyone told you that actresses will sleep with you for free?”
Video of Shatner, which, again, contains NSFW language.
So who was the best roaster? Vote in our poll.