Bradley Cooper was declared the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine today, causing Ryan Gosling fans across America to leave work early and head home to engage in a period of mourning that involved softly sobbing while rewatching scenes from “The Notebook.”
Look, Cooper is a perfectly fine male celebrity — more than fine, according to one Celebritologist who shall remain nameless as well as reader Bawlmer51, who assessed this news by noting in a comment that “My lady parts approve of this action.”
Still, this is clearly Gosling’s year. If you had to put money on who would be named this year’s Sexiest Man Alive — and clearly such important matters provide excellent reasons to gamble — Gosling seemed like your best bet.
The guy starred in three great films in 2011, is an Oscar contender (yet again!), broke up a street fight, felt embarrassed about it, brought his dog on national TV and somehow managed to stay completely likable. He even scored a highly coveted spot (cough) on our 11 celebrities having a solid 2011 list.
The brilliant minds at Buzzfeed have expressed the feelings of angry Gosling-ites everywhere in a list of their own, entitled: “63 Reasons Why Bradley Cooper Definitely Isn’t The Sexiest Man Alive.” (Spoiler alert: It’s 63 glorious pictures of Ryan Gosling.) Update: And now over 1,500 people have signed Buzzfeed’s petition on Change.org demanding People give Gosling “his own magazine cover.” (Occupy People magazine?)
Still, the Canadian Gos and his many admirers can take solace in the fact that he’s hardly the only deserving Hollywood male to have been denied this high honor in the field of hotness. Here’s a photo essay salute to several of them, one we’ve dubbed “The Sexiest (Robbed) Men Alive.”
What does Don Draper have to do to top this list? Sleep with his secretaries, look hot in a fedora and smoke a lot? Wait, he already does that. Come on, People magazine!
1,000 pro-Sexiest-Man-Alive words spoken in a single photo.
It was the Gerard Depardieu-giggling that knocked him out of contention, wasn’t it?
His last name alone screams primal sexuality.
Do we need to remind everyone that he’s Batman? And that he sings the “Powerpuff Girls” theme in an undeniably appealing fashion? Of course, the odds of him agreeing to do a Sexiest Man Alive photo shoot are approximately 0.00.
Nick Offerman (We really mean Ron Swanson.)
This might be the most egregious oversight of all. Nothing’s hotter than a man who loves bacon and refuses to keep proper receipts for tax purposes.
Check out the People approved sexy men below.