On the awards show spectrum, it’s well established that the People’s Choice Awards sits somewhere several notches below Screamingly Meaningless.
Sure, from a pro-democracy perspective, it’s nice to honor the entertainment-praising will of the people. On the other hand: who are these people and what is wrong with their decision-making faculties?
This year’s crop of nominees was announced Thursday. And while some of the nod-earners are understandable — your Adeles on the pop music side, your “Argos” on the movie side — there are a few categories that are largely baffling. Here are the five People’s Choice categories most likely to make you go, “Wha???”
(And yes, I know it’s very easy to throw pot shots at the People’s Choice Awards. But it’s late in the afternoon on a Thursday, the People’s Choice noms have provided the fish, and I’ve got a barrel. What the heck? Let’s do some shootin’.)
The nominees for best movie drama:
“Argo” (Okay, I’m with you so far)
“Magic Mike” (Well, Soderbergh directed this, so I can kind of allow it...)
“Perks of Being a Wallflower” (It has its moments, but ... really?)
“The Vow” (Huh?)
“The Lucky One” (Even Zac Efron probably finds this laughable.)
The nominees for the favorite face of heroism:
First of all, I am not sure what this award even means, except that it’s a more politically correct way of saying young, hot actresses who appeared in blockbuster movies. Also, it’s sponsored by Puff’s, because nothing says heroism more than blowing one’s nose.
Your heroic faces are:
Anne Hathaway (“The Dark Knight Rises”)
Emma Stone (“The Amazing Spider-Man”)
Jennifer Lawrence (“The Hunger Games”)
Kristen Stewart (“Snow White and the Huntsman”)
Scarlett Johansson (“The Avengers”)
The nominees for favorite cable TV drama:
Take a seat. Seriously, even if you’re of those people who stands at her work station because it’s supposedly better for your spinal alignment, just sit the heck down. Because in what is a wonderful era for TV drama, especially on basic cable, here’s what this category looks like:
“Pretty Little Liars”
“The Walking Dead”
No “Mad Men.” No “Breaking Bad.” No “Justified.” No “American Horror Story.” They all pale in comparison to “Pretty Little Liars.”
The nominees for favorite TV fan following:
The Gleeks of “Glee”
The Little Liars of “Pretty Little Liars”
The Oncers of “Once Upon a Time”
The SPNFamily of “Supernatural”
The TVD Family of “The Vampire Diaries”
Two things: do the “Once Upon A Time” lovers really refer to themselves as Oncers? Because that name is terrible, says this writer unironically even though she used to call herself a Lostie. Second: I could be wrong, but I’ve heard there is a fan following around “Game of Thrones.” Like, a couple people.
The nominees for favorite band:
I am convinced the People’s Choice staff just Xeroxed a list of the favorite band nominees from 10 years ago.