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Posted at 07:27 AM ET, 08/22/2011

‘True Blood’ Season 5 Episode 9 reaction

Here are a few questions (rhetorical and otherwise) after watching “Let’s Get Out of Here,” in an attempt to make sense of an increasingly muddled season of “True Blood.”

1) Why did Jesus and Lafayette go to Mexico exactly?

If Jesus and Lafayette were just sitting across from you at a bar and they told you what they’ve been up to this season, it would go a little something like this:

- Problem: They think that Eric, a 1,000-year-old incredibly powerful vampire is trying to kill them.

- Step 1: They go to Mexico where they hope Jesus’s scary warlock grandpa can teach them a way to fight him.

- Step 2: Grandpa Warlock almost kills Jesus with a rattlesnake, which compels Lafayette to be possessed by Jesus’s uncle’s spirit, who heals him from the bite.

- Step 3: Grandpa Warlock tells them the real problem is Marnie, who is using blood magic.

- Step 4: Return to Bon Temps.

At which point you would reach one of two possible conclusions:

- They must have a Step 5 in place to address the threat of Marnie and/or Eric.

OR

- They are dumber than a bag of lobotomized hammers.

Seriously, how did anything they did in Mexico help them resolve the problem that sent them to Mexico in the first place? How, in any way shape or form, do they think they are any safer than they were when they fled to Mexico in the first place? Has Lafayette even called Tara since they got back?

Instead, it’s just been a hook for the writers to resolve the completely unrelated plot about the ghost haunting Terry and Arlene’s baby, which (both the plot and the ghost) gets mercifully laid to rest this episode. If you just started watching with the last two episodes, you would think that helping Mavis was Lafayette and Jesus’s motivating event this season, rather than avoiding death at the hands of an ancient Viking murder machine.

You know how to tell when a plot is completely tacked on to a show that has too many plots already? When it takes up the bulk of an episode and it’s not included at all in the channel’s official video recap of that episode (link is NSFW, which is a little weird HBO.)

2) Does vampire blood (and other various healing mechanisms) undercut the drama of the show? I mean, we go from the “cliffhanger” of Sookie being shot last episode to Bill asking Alcide to pray for her at the start of this episode to her being awake and fine just a few minutes later, with no explanation. It’s like you get enough vampire blood into a human (or human blood into a vampire) and they turn into Wolverine.

3) What exactly is Marnie’s plan? Is it to kill lots of vampires or just Bill? If it’s just to kill Bill why wait until the coexistence conference? If it’s to turn humanity against vampires, why not have the vampires she controls kill some humans? Did she study at the Jesus and Lafayette Academy for Long-range Planning? Why did the vampire league decide to host the conference in Shreveport, of all places, anyway? Okay, we’re getting sidetracked here...

3) Is this line sad, funny or both? During her menage-a-dream with Bill and Eric, Sookie says “I could be dreaming about anything. I could be swimming with dolphins or eating a whole pie without consequences.”

Way to dream big, Sook!

4) Could Sam Merlott explain to, in 500 words or less, how camping is the “100-percent opposite of running away”?


This Bud’s for you? (HBO - HBO)
5) Did Budweiser wrap up the weirdest product placement of the year with the empty cans at Hoyt’s house? “Have you just had your heart broken by your vampire girlfriend? Reach for a cold, fresh Budweiser tall boy.”

By Paul Williams  |  07:27 AM ET, 08/22/2011

 
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