Reader, she killed it.
With some help from Cee Lo Green, choirs, marching bands and a veritable cast of thousands, Madonna delivered the most excellent and unexpectedly subversive Super Bowl halftime show in years. It reminded us of all the things we like about Madonna, and only some of what we don't.
Plus, when was the last time you saw a sexy 53 year-old woman sing a gay anthem at a sporting event?
Never, possibly! Celebritology had the play-by-play last night. This morning, there are still 10 things Madonna has us wondering:
1. Is Madonna the only woman in the world who can look imperial, and not ridiculous, while clad in full Viking regalia, performing nervously rendered one-legged yoga poses and Steve Martin-style King Tut moves?
2. Did you catch the part where Madonna's stage floor flattened out to
show oversized pictures of, uh, Madonna? Is there any other artist so
dangerously, so openly nostalgic for their glory years, other than the
3. Madonna really looked like she was in a good mood, right? Wasn't that weird?
4. Was the moment where Madonna posed on top of one of the LMFAO guys, literally standing on the shoulders of a trend, the one part of this extravaganza she might regret in years to come?
5. Remember how everyone once thought M.I.A. was the biggest sellout ever, because of truffle fries? What would we have made of Future M.I.A., dressed up like an extra in some Lynch-ian re-imagining of "Cleopatra," playing third fiddle to Madonna and Nicki Minaj? And the part where she flipped off the camera and cursed? Did she do that because she knows she's a formerly cutting-edge artist who's had her remaining cool vampire-sucked out of her by Madonna, and she's trying to front otherwise? Has anyone ever been less edgy?
6. Doesn't Madonna's new single sound better live?
7. Maybe not live — of course she was lip-syncing. And since her vocals seemed at least double-looped, does this mean she was faking a faked version of herself? And does it matter?
8. Is it some rule that Cee Lo Green must appear at every American sporting event and awards show? It's not a problem — just wondering. And why was he dressed like a Supreme Court justice? (The evening's best tweet, from Time's James Poniewozik: "Now trying to imagine the
judicial philosophy of a Cee-Lo Green Supreme Court.")
9. Twenty years ago, Madonna's last ensemble, a head to toe covering purchased from Chico's new Gothic Sparkle Monk collection, would have been worn ironically, and it would have been one of those cutaway outfits that got strategically pulled apart by a well-oiled topless dude wearing a toga, revealing a conical bra and garters underneath. These days, it's an actual outfit? Really?
10. Doesn't that last image, the big "World Peace" sign, represent the worst excesses of present day Madonna, who must always remind us how high-minded she is? How here we are, thinking about sporting vents and nachos and commercials with puppies in them, while she's really thinking about the problems of the world? If we find this annoying, does that mean we hate world peace?