Q: Chris Hansen was caught in a video sting? Dateline: To Catch a Predator’s Chris Hansen?
A: Yes. Live by the video sting, die by the video sting!
Q: But if someone conducts a video sting and catches Chris Hansen, who steps out from behind the kitchen island and says, “Hi, I’m to Catch a Predator’s Chris Hansen?”
A: Can God create a rock God cannot lift?
Q: What?
A: Those two questions are equally impossible to answer.
Q: How did they find out?
A: The National Enquirer is reporting that it has footage of Hansen rendezvousing with a woman who is not his wife but who is, at least, of legal age.
Q: Why do we believe the National Enquirer?
A: They know this stuff. Guys With Well-Maintained Hair Who Cheat on Their Wives is to the National Enquirer what Things We Hear the Kids Like is to the New York Times.
Q: So who was the other woman?
A: She is a 30-year-old news anchor.
Q: Nuts! I was really hoping the past few months of dating were just to provide fodder for the sting mission, and that secretly she is a 60-year-old man in New Mexico. Live by the video sting, die by the video sting!
A: I’m actually kind of cut up about this.
Q: Are you feeling sorry for Chris Hansen? Are you wondering who will nail the real criminals?
A: No. That is John Walsh’s job.
Q: Then what? Are you musing on the subtle irony that a man who built his life on capturing people’s personal nadirs on camera would meet his own downfall the same way?
A: Worse than that!
Q: What?
A: For years, I plotted the alibi, “Are you kidding me? I just showed up here with six bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade because I was really hoping to meet Chris Hansen.”
Q: I see.
A: “I would never do anything inappropriate with a minor!” That won’t work now.
Q: I don’t think it was ever going to work.
A: The trick is showing a lot of enthusiasm when Chris Hansen walks out from behind the kitchen island!
Q: (nervously) It sounds as though you’ve been thinking about this a lot.
A: Live by the video sting, die by the video sting!
Q: Yes, you’ve said that.
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