I have a bad feeling about this holiday season.
Already, there is a surtax of 15 cents being imposed on some Christmas trees to pay for a promotional program — to promote Christmas trees. I always thought that Christmas trees were like taxes, the tide and the inevitability of death and loss — something that we did not have to worry about advertising, because people would come to them on their own. But again I seem to have underestimated our love of advertising. And you know what this means...
All the folks down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot
But the Grinch, who lived near, in the White House, did not
He thought that the trouble with Christmas, you see,
Was a troubling lack of, well, publicity.
“It’s almost Thanksgiving!” the poor fellow cried
“And yet look all around — not one sign have I spied
Except two in the Walmart and one big display
As you’re exiting Target and hoping to pay
And of course that new Bieber CD’s hitting shelves
Where he screeches out notes like to rattle the elves
And the red and green lights in Rite-Aid check-out aisles
And the ads on TV for the season of smiles —
But, well, other than that, and some more that don’t count
I think Christmas neglected a shocking amount.”
“Well, how do we fix this?” his votaries cried.
“Also, is this important?” “It can’t be denied!”
“We must act!” cried the boss. “We must go on a spree!
And the first thing we’ll do is we’ll promote the tree.”
(“That don’t scan right,” then noted an elf to the side
But the poem continued, not stopping mid-stride.)
“Listen up,” said the prez, “we must get in our groove
In the words of my wife, Madame Flotus, let’s move!
Let us get up a sign! Let us deck it out well,
Extolling the wonders that Christmas trees tell!”
“Just one note,” said Tim Geithner, sad, timid and gray,
“It sounds nice. But, well, how, sir, do we plan to pay?”
A hush fell on the house. But before they had time to relax
Someone shouted, “Hey! How ’bout a Christmas tree tax?”
“But I thought that the whole point of this was to sell — ”
Began one aged elf who did not follow well.
“Shut up, Carl!” the throng cried, all now thrilling with glee.
“I like this idea! A tax on the tree!”
“But what will people say when they catch wind of this?”
“They’ll be glad we alerted them that trees exist!”
“But, sir, are you certain that you’ve thought this through?”
“Yes, of course, I am! Move! There’s job-killing to do!”
(At least this is how, to make long stories short
It went when I heard it on Fox News’ report.)
But seriously? A tax on trees to promote trees? To promote the Christmas tree, the only thing more ubiquitous than people complaining about how early they are playing Christmas songs this year?
The only thing that would get more people up in arms would be if the president referred to it as a tax on holiday pines. By the way, the White House announced today that it was dropping the proposal; there won’t be any tax on Christmas trees.