Q: Michaele Salahi was kidnapped?
A: That's what her husband Tareq Salahi thought.
Q: Was this some sort of sick publicity stunt?
A: Authorities say that Tareq actually did not know where she was. She appears to have left him for the lead guitarist of the band Journey.
Q: He’s not the Journey, he’s the destination.
A: Boooo. But on a side note, isn’t it sad that the Salahis have reached rock bottom? They didn’t start off too well — the thing they were most famous for was showing up where no one wanted to see them, a stunt they repeated for the rest of their public lives. But you can tell that you have hit rock bottom when news that one of you might have been kidnapped is greeted with, "Is this some sort of sick publicity stunt?" and everyone makes cruel jokes about it.
Q: It strained my credulity that she'd been kidnapped, because that would imply that a kidnapper thought someone would be willing to pay money to have her returned.
A: See, that's the sort of cruel joke I was talking about.
Q: It would have been the first kidnapping in history where the kidnapper actually paid the family to take the victim back. And no one would have pressed charges. They’d have told the guy, “Your crime was punishment enough.”
A: They might have forced him to listen to her single “Bump It.”
Q: I believe that’s the textbook definition of cruel and unusual punishment.
Q: Come to think of it, I almost feel bad for Michaele Salahi.
A: Did you know that the phrase “I feel bad for Michaele Salahi” recently won an award for “Phrases Most Likely To Contain The Word ‘Almost’ ”?
Q: Makes sense.
A: Anyway, she’s fine. She's with that rock guitarist, whom she allegedly described as one of the loves of her life.
Q: I guess you’re right. That's good. I'm glad she wasn’t kidnapped.
A: Maybe that was the whole point of the exercise. To force people to say things like “I’m glad Michaele Salahi is fine and wasn’t kidnapped.”
A: Poor Tareq.
Q: Yeah. If I were Michaele Salahi and I discovered a human being, or even a striking rock formation, who actively enjoyed my presence, I would stick to him like glue.
A: Maybe she thinks that’s what she’s doing now.
Q: Poor guitarist.