There’s a new Girl Scout cookie in town.
Yes, I realize that more serious things are going on. Newt Gingrich is saying things. Mitt Romney is saying other things. Buddy Roemer, according to an e-mail I just received, has a big announcement coming up. There are other people going door-to-door with issues they consider far more pressing. And perhaps they are right, in the long run. But Girl Scout cookies have been around for a hundred years, bringing joy and calories into the lives of Americans. Can anyone now running for office say the same?
The new cookie is called the Savannah Smile. It’s a lemon cookie that resembles a gibbous moon lightly dusted in sugar.
And I have a bone to pick with it.
Girl Scout cookie names follow a long tradition of having no resemblance whatsoever to the cookie they are supposed to describe. The best don’t sound like cookies at all.
Samoas? Didn't they just switch time zones? Even by their other name, Caramel deLites, they make minimal sense. “All the taste of a caramel delight, without the added fate of the GH!”
Tagalongs? If I had to guess what that was, I would assume it was a long-snouted animal that somewhat resembled an anteater.
Do-Si-dos? Good thing they aren’t named after more modern dance crazes, or we'd be eating Dougies or Two Stomps This Time, and I doubt either would digest well.
Shout Outs!? Fitzgerald said that writing with exclamation marks was like laughing at your own joke. Cooking with exclamation marks just makes me worry that my food is having a better time than I am.
Thanks-A-Lot? Sounds a bit passive-aggressive, for a cookie. I guess No-That's-All-Right-I'll-Just-Sit-Here-In-The-Dark-All-Alone was too much of a mouthful, and not in the good way that cookies generally are a mouthful.
Thank U Berry Munch? This name somehow combines egregious abbreviation with gratuitous puns, while giving me no idea how the resulting cookie will taste.
Thin Mints? Sure, both adjectives describe the cookie well, but just try applying them to anyone who obtains a box.
So the Savannah Smile leaves me with mixed emotions. It actually sounds like what it is – sweet, yet lemony.
I’d prefer something in the old Girl Scout tradition of bewildering and dazzling the consumer.
You would think, 100 years down the line, living as we do in a golden age of made-up names, that we’d be able to come up with something worthier. Something like Donda or Siri or — heck, any celebrity baby name would do the job. But instead we get the Savannah Smile.
Sure, I might buy some. But only under duress. And I’ll only eat half the box. You have to take a stand somewhere.