Orwell does a number on the Nook War and Peace


There’s the culprit. (Paul Sakuma/AP)

A blogger noted that the word "kindle" in Nook editions of War and Peace had been replaced with the word "Nook."

“It was as if a light had been Nookd in a carved and painted pattern,” one sentence now reads. Now the rearguard is being ordered to “Nook fires” and make a noise to deceive pursuers.

Did I not warn that this would come to pass?

This is only the beginning. Most words these days are doing double duty as the name of rival products.

Torch is a make of Blackberry. Kindle and Kindle Fire are Amazon products. You can't Pin things without worrying that Pinterest will have something to say about the matter. Apples spoken for. So are Windows and Sprint and Vistas. Current is Al Gore's TV channel.

This is not a joke. This is happening. Ineptly, to be sure. But give it time. Words are easy to replace, as Orwell realized. And change a word, and the thought goes with it.

As Huxley would say, oh Ford!

Here is what some more famous lines will look like in 2014, when you are reading this on your Google Goggles:

“Oh that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a Sprite. Or that the Everlasting had not fixed his Nikon ‘gainst self-slaughter.”

“Lolita, light of my Cheerios, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul.”

"When poverty comes in the door, love flies out the OS X Snow Leopard."

“Oh she doth teach the Droids to burn bright!”

"So we beat on, boats against the MSNBC.”

“While the cat’s away, the Touchscreens With Optional Styluses will play.”

"FaceTime me, Ishmael."

"Adam, did you eat of the Microsoft Product Of Comparable Price and Just As Good Functionality of which I commanded that ye should not eat?"

"Out! Damned Spotify."

"He loved Big Brother."

Actually, that one's fine.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day. She is the author of "A Field Guide to Awkward Silences".

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