What a week! First, we proved Obama was alive! Then we proved Osama was dead! Last night, President Obama made an announcement that we had been awaiting for nearly a decade: Osama bin Laden is dead. But first, he delayed the announcement for almost an hour — to mess with the ratings of “The Apprentice,” perhaps? — and while we waited, many of us loaded up with punchlines. Here are 10 of the highlights!
10. So now we know what Jack Bauer’s been doing since the end of “24.” — Tyler Kepner
9. Now that Osama’s dead, can we get back to the 2 things that mattered most before 9/11? Gary Condit and shark attacks. — Nick Kroll
8. Donald Trump is expected to hold a press conference today announcing he found Waldo and is “very proud of himself.” — Josh Gondelman
7. Bin Laden’s last words: “I knew I shouldn’t have signed up for Foursquare.” — Andy Borowitz
6. I would give almost anything to see the look on Bin Laden’s face moments after he asks “so ... where are my twenty virgins?” — Jimmy Kimmel
5. I wonder if they’re not releasing the photos of #Osama because there’s a 2% chance they accidentally killed the lead singer of a jam band? — Eugene Mirman
4. Some member of our military just became a Pokemon GRANDMASTER. — OuterJohn
3. Dick Cheney demands President Obama [stop] VP Biden from calling his house & shouting ‘We drink your milkshake!’— John Fugelsang
2. Sorry, you’re at the wrong gate, Osama. — Jesus
1. Of course we one-upped the Royal Wedding. #America — Scott Phillips
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