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Posted at 05:40 PM ET, 06/03/2011

Paul Revere’s Ride, as told by Sarah Palin

St Elizabeth Catholic School fifth graders Mariana Bonet dressed as Paul Revere(L) and Victoria Crawford as George Washington(R) talk. This is equally accurate! (Mark Gail - WASHINGTON POST)
Oh, no.

Among other highlights of her Maybe It’s Just A Vacation Bus Tour, Sarah Palin attempted to retell the story of Paul Revere. It went badly. Admittedly, it always goes badly when anyone tries to retell history, even when sober, since we collectively have the historical and civics knowledge of a group of pigeons who paid limited attention in middle school.

But this was almost poetic. So here, with apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow about the scansion, is the Sarah Palin edition of the Midnight Ride of Paul Revere.

Listen my children and you shall hear

Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere

As told by the Palin who comes from AK

With fire in the belly and things to say

With regard to that famous day and year.

He warned all the – British? (now Sarah tells)

“uh, the … the British that they weren’t gonna be

takin’ away our arms, uh, by ringin’ those bells

and, um, by makin’ sure that as he’s

ridin’ his horse through town to send

those warnin’ shots and bells that, uh, we

were gonna be secure and we were gonna be free

… and we were gonna be armed.” The end!

Quoth she, and it sort of made sense, I guess

After all, our history’s sort of a mess.

And that’s not all Palin’s got to tell

Of how our country was formed so well

She sits in the back of the Magic Bus

And glibly recounts the Story of US

From the Statute of Liberty on south

A classic case of the foot-in-mouth

(Not to mention the help that Washington got

On his farm, where no doubt he worked quite a lot

Though help from some “African volunteers

As Colbert said, might have eased his years.)

Some man once said, and I thought it neat

If you don’t learn history, you’re doomed to repeat.

But I don’t think that a sorry state --

The way Sarah tells, history’s pretty great!

By  |  05:40 PM ET, 06/03/2011

Tags:  Sarah Palin, poetry, history

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