Most Read: Opinions

direct signup

Today’s Opinions poll

Would you use an app that tells you the partisan affiliation of products you're considering buying?

Submit
Next
Review your answers and share
ComPost
About Petri |  Get Updates: On Twitter ComPost on Twitter |  On Facebook Petri on Facebook |  RSS RSS
Posted at 06:49 PM ET, 10/23/2012

Romney sank my battleship — the election in board games


This is a big battleship. (SHANNON STAPLETON - REUTERS)
At the third and final debate, watched by 59.2 million people, President Obama informed Mitt Romney that “the question is not a game of Battleship.”

We know America’s defense is not a game of Battleship.

But this leaves open the possibility that the whole election might be some other kind of board game!

Here are a few options.

Monopoly: Aided by shady, regularly disbursed funds from a “banker,” constantly under the surveillance of a mustached man with a top hat and monocle, you careen around the board trying to gather places with names like “Kentucky” and “Vermont” into your hands before your opponent does.

Sorry!: You constantly apologize to your opponents, but you never mean it. “Sorry” in this game most easily translates to “Ha-ha, I have gained an advantage!”

Scrabble: You emit random words, some winning you more points than others, for reasons unrelated to their vocabulary level or sincerity.

Pictionary: You sketch out vague, reassuring pictures of things in less than a minute, and the audience has to guess what you mean.

Risk: You and your opponent move imaginary troops around in hard-to-pronounce fake countries.

Guess Who: Try to distinguish yourself from your opponent without saying anything racist.

Settlers of Catan: The game is fun, sure, but only a certain group of people are absolutely obsessed with it and insist on bringing it out at parties.

Chess: It turns out that keeping all the bishops on your side as long as possible is not that important to your ultimate success, but some people beg to differ.

Operation: Neither player has any idea how to solve your health-care problem! This is dangerous!

Clue: It is totally kosher to imply that at some point your opponent was responsible for killing someone.

Ouija: But what if the people making predictions are changing the outcome?

Trivial Pursuit: You will be arbitrarily tested on random facts. No coherent vision emerges.

Bingo: This game is only fun if you are a retiree! You might wind up with a lot of money. Also, even if the outcome is bad, you will die soon.

Life: You insist that everything good that has come to you is because of your personal merit and choices, not luck.

Twister: This requires impossible contortions and goes on for much, much longer than it has any right to.

By  |  06:49 PM ET, 10/23/2012

 
Read what others are saying
     

    © 2011 The Washington Post Company