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Posted at 11:39 PM ET, 08/28/2012

Santorum gets handsy at Tampa OR Santorum has touched many hands


There is his hand also. (Photo by Lucian Perkins for The Washington Post) (Lucian Perkins - FOR THE WASHINGTON POST)

TAMPA — In a long night of variably eloquent speeches at the GOP convention— including a meandering string of state names, tepid wordplay, and counting-with-fingers from Janine Turner — Rick Santorum’s stood out for his commitment to hands.

“I held its hand,” Santorum said. “I shook the hand of the American dream. And it has a strong grip.”

Sometimes he and the American dream hold hands for hours, but afterwards they go out and do manly things like shoot rabbits and talk about women and talk to women about shooting rabbits. One time the American dream went in for a hug and it was awkward. One time Santorum dreamed about the American Dream and was not sure what it meant, so that week he went for a fist-bump instead.

But it’s not just the American dream. Santorum is a promiscuous shaker and holder of hands! As recorded in the FOX News Insider transcript: “I shook hands of farmers and ranchers who made America the bread basket of the world. Hands weathered and worn. And proud of it.

“I grasped dirty hands with scars that come from years of labor in the oil and gas fields, mines and mills... I gripped hands that work in restaurants and hotels, in hospitals, banks, and grocery stores. Hands that serve and care for all of us...” Rick Santorum should probably invest in some Purell, if he hasn’t already.

“I held hands that are in want. Hands looking for the dignity of a good job, hands growing weary of not finding one but refusing to give up hope.” Rick Santorum has touched anthropomorphic hands capable of hope and dignity! Frankly, I have gone from moved to concerned.

“And finally, I cradled the little, broken hands of the disabled. Hands that struggle and bring pain, hands that ennoble us and bring great joy.”

So, er, there was that.

I’ve missed Rick Santorum.

By  |  11:39 PM ET, 08/28/2012

 
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