Sarah Palin and the highest office in the land?
Hollywood Life reports that she’s making a “big announcement” on Alaska’s “Bob and Mark in the Morning” show — on April 1.
You know what I’m thinking:
This would be, bar none, the Greatest April Fool’s Joke of All Time.
Sure, Palin might not be appearing on the show at all. But if she is, I have a message:
Listen, Sarah. I know you might actually want to run for President. You think that people would vote for you. And it’s true, they might, although some of them have explicitly stated that they would prefer Charlie Sheen.
But there’s a greater cause to be served here. Not the cause of America or the cause of history. The cause of pranks.
No one has ever been in a position like this before. To be rumored to be making a Big Potentially Presidential Announcement on Friday, April 1 – that’s a masterstroke, by any standards. You can pretend not to notice, or you can embrace it — and, with it, immortality.
I am calling on you to perform the greatest prank in history.
This will be bigger than Orson Welles’ broadcast of “War of the Worlds.” This will be bigger than the USS Maine. This will be bigger than the Clapper. This will be bigger than when we apocryphally purchased the city of New York from the locals for a bunch of beads.
Right now, people right and left have been trying to convince you not to run, going so far as to exclaim that it would be beneath you. “If you want the highest office in the land,” they say, “relocate your office to Denver!”
If you run, that Palin 2012 ad on SNL will have been prescient. Generally, when one of my major life decisions would mean that an SNL sketch comes true, I rethink that decision. Maybe you can too! You have the perfect opportunity.
Here’s how I picture this transpiring:
Sarah Palin, on the radio: “Hello, my fellow Americans! I’m here to make an announcement on this day today: I’m running for president.”
A hush would fall across America. For years, everyone would moan, we thought you were kidding. We thought this would not be an actual question. We thought you were just messing with us so we could watch a TLC series and feel as though it were somehow work-related. And now — visions of crowds swaying back and forth muttering “Sheen! Palin! Sheen! Beck? Sheen!” would sweep over us, and we would have to lie down somewhere. And then, out of the silence...
Sarah Palin: “April Fools!”
Please, please, please let this happen. At least, the second part.