Phyllis Diller, one of the original queens of comedy, passed away Monday at the age of 95.
She was known for her ability to unleash a memorable one-liner.
All the best one-liners have a quality of having been discovered rather than invented. Seconds after hearing them you think, “Why didn’t I think of that?” They are both funny and surprisingly true. Phyllis Diller’s best were always both.
Here are some of Diller’s most famous quips.
* “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” - Housekeeping Hints, 1966
* “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” - Housekeeping Hints, 1966
* “I’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do.” - The Joys of Aging and How To Avoid Them, 1981
* “On my honeymoon I put on a peekaboo blouse. My husband peeked and booed.”
* “Our vet told us that because of my cooking our cat has only two lives left.”
* “I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.”
* “We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 years teaching them to sit down and shut up.”
* “We had far too many kids. At one point our playpen was standing room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets.”
* “I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!’”
* “Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.”
And she made up numerous characters for the act:
Talking of her joke husband, “Fang,” (“I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?”) she noted, “He hates work. One day he called in dead.”
Her obese mother: “We still have a souvenir from her last visit. A Persian throw rug. She sat on the cat.”
Her oversexed sister: “She’s been in more motel rooms than the Gideon Bible.”
She even told Ronald Reagan: “If you ever get to be president, and I think you may, and there's a depression— try not to have it at a bad time, like when everybody's out of work.”
This barely scratches the surface: Please, post your favorite Diller quotes below.