You know what they say. When you’re flat on your back, there’s nowhere to look but — up, to endorse Mitt Romney.
I was wrong.
I thought Donald Trump was the bottom of the endorsement barrel.
But the barrel was just getting started.
Mitt has been getting some intriguing endorsements lately. Last week, porn star Jenna Jameson came out in favor of the candidate. And don’t forget the ringing endorsement of the good folks of SeekingArrangement.com (“The Elite Sugar Daddy dating site for those seeking mutually beneficial relationships”). This even after President Obama insisted “You didn’t build that,” a statement the site and its founder considered a tacit endorsement of the sugar daddy lifestyle! Then again, founder Brandon Wade told me that the government was mistaken in its attempts to play sugar daddy to the American people. “The government shouldn’t be playing that role,” he noted.
Clearly, there are new sub-basement layers to the barrel that we are only beginning to discover.
But there’s something about Romney endorsers. I’ve commented on it before. With the exception of a well-publicized few, their most salient characteristic is that they are people whom Americans like less than Mitt Romney and hope will go away. Trump. Christine “I’m Not A Witch” O’Donnell. Sheriff Joe “That Birth Certificate’s A Forgery!” Arpaio. To call this crew lackluster is an insult to lackluster things everywhere.
Where can Romney possibly go from here? One has the sense that he is getting ready to slam the door shut and yell, “Please, everyone, stop endorsing me! You are making things worse!”
This is one of those cases where the endorsement is worse than the product. It’s like when you find yourself engaged in an argument on the Internet and discover to your horror that the only people who agree with you are misspelling simple words. It’s like being sold a time-share by John Edwards. “Eugh,” you think. “Nothing seems wrong with it, but something must be.”
Then again, maybe he can relax now. After Jameson, it’s hard to think of anyone else who could keep the Romney train of Bizarre, Disheartening Endorsements going downhill so rapidly.
But here are a few possibilities:
Congress. (Last time I checked, still less popular than herpes!)
The Death Star
That buzzing sound speakers sometimes make when you hold your phone too close.
NBC’s Olympics Tape Delay.
Weekend track work on the Metro.