On Thursday, longtime America’s Most Wanted fixture mobster James “Whitey” Bulger was apprehended by the authorities. This inspiration for Jack Nicholson’s character in “The Departed” had been on the lam for 16 years. Where was he all this time?
Here are some possibilities:
• Maintaining an active presence on MySpace.
• In the opening-night audience of “Atlas Shrugged.”
• Standing slightly to the left of Waldo.
• Actually came out of hiding two weeks ago and alerted all the media, but everyone was too focused on Anthony Weiner to notice.
• Just more proof that you don’t exist if you aren’t on Twitter.
• Was in a compound surprisingly close to West Point.
• Hiding on page 290 of the health-care bill.
• Was Raptured by accident 16 years ago and just managed to sort this out.
• An active and vocal supporter of the Gingrich campaign.
• Whenever anyone apprehended him, explained, “No, I just played him on an episode of ‘America’s Most Wanted.’ You wouldn’t believe how often this happens to me.”
• Is one of six people who actually show up to claim those hiking-massage Groupons, startling the proprietors so much that they did not notice his identity.
• Spent the past 16 years pretending to be a lesbian blogger.
• On top of your head the whole time!
Have better ideas?