January 29, 2013
(AP File) "I liked them BEFORE they were mainstream." (AP File) “I liked them BEFORE they were mainstream.”

Good news! And, other news.

The Twinkie, light of my life, fire of my loins, may be on the verge of being rescued: The Los Angeles Times reports the company that owns PBR is “one of the likely stalking horse bidders.” I am not entirely sure what “stalking horse bidders” means, and in my efforts to find out, I have been banned from visiting numerous stables. All I can guess is that if they win, it will be more of a waddling horse.

But PBR? Where PBR is, there shall hipsters be also, and I am not sure how I feel about surrendering the iconic brand into their bulky-sweatered clutches. The Twinkie is something to be consumed in sincerity, or desperation, or some mixture of both.

I am not sure if I hope or fear that we are about to enter a new age of ironic Twinkie consumption.

“Oh yeah,” we’ll hear, as people bump into us in That Aisle of the convenience store, the aisle that gently points out that Perhaps You Should Go Grocery Shopping In An Actual Grocery If You Want To Consume Food That Is Not Unnaturally And Prematurely Orange. “These Twinkies are okay, but I have some back in my apartment from before they sold out.” We’ll be seeing Instagrammed pictures of organic homemade Twinkies all over our news feeds. Twinkies will suddenly be seen in the company of people with mustaches. And the Rest of Us will sneer at them as we sneer at fixed-gear bikes and large-framed glasses.

And this assumes the bidding goes well.

Maybe no such thing will happen. And perhaps it is not possible to consume a Twinkie ironically. But then again I did not think that about trucker hats and Pabst Blue Ribbon either, and look what happened to them.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.
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