February 1, 2013

Sorry, da Vinci.

As Dave Barry once so wisely said, “A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.” Take note, God!

This adage has been illustrated this week with the saga of the Reddit-posting Applebee’s waitress, whose sharing of a rude receipt resulted in her firing and the national shaming of the pastor who crossed out the tip and scrawled, “I give God 10% Why do you Get 18?”

Well, God has other sources of income. Also, God does not have to pay income tax and split tips with the hosts, bussers and bartenders. God is clearly in the rarefied upper echelons of the 1 percent, if the number of Houses of God is any indication. Seven houses, John McCain? That’s nothing. Try thousands, in every country in the world! (And, some would argue, the whole Vatican!)

Even leaving real estate aside, God clearly is well-metaphorically heeled. Look at all the football players who claim God as their personal sponsor. If you add up the value of all of the lives dedicated to God, the ancient relics and the high volume of tourist trade generated by what that lady did to the Jesus fresco, you wind up with an almost alarming degree of Worldly Value. In fact, why is this God character getting 10 percent at all? Give the waitress 28!

Reddit users managed to track down the pastor responsible for the tip from her apparently-not-entirely-illegible signature. She gave an apologetic interview to The Smoking Gun. Applebee’s apologized and fired the server who posted the picture of the receipt. So much for, you know, turning the other cheek.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.