What our favorite Super Bowl XLVII commercials say about us

February 4, 2013

According to voting on Hulu.com, as of the time of writing, here are the top 8 favorite Super Bowl XLVII ads, according to viewers.

But what does it all mean?

8) Milk PEP: The Rock in Morning Run

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson continues to lead a baffling life, but maybe he can intimidate us into getting the calcium our bones need.

This is actually a fairly accurate rendition of my ability to deal with crises before I have had coffee.

Also, there are still circuses?

7) Kia: Space Babies

If one thing terrifies us as a nation, it is explaining to our children where babies come from. We will do almost anything to avoid this. Fortunately, our cars can help us avoid these important conversations! The Kia’s stereo system will deceive your children about the existence of Santa and the true nature of the tooth fairy. Later in life, the Kia’s innovative navigation software will help you avoid talking to your children about drugs, and its climate-controlled interior will provide the reassurance you cannot when you have to explain why you are leaving Mom for Janine, the woman at Lenscrafters who convinced you that those glasses were flattering to your face shape.

6) Volkswagen: Get In, Get Happy.

Nothing says, “Happiness” like “That Minnesotan in your office who is doing a weird, if not downright racist, accent in meetings and in the elevator and — well, all the time, come to think of it, and you really wish he would stop and Julia is filing a complaint — but hey he’s got a cool car!”

This ad provoked a small national conversation about whether giving a Minnesotan a Jamaican accent as shorthand for an upbeat, easy-going spirit was awkwardly racist. Based on the voting, I guess we decided, as a country, that it wasn’t? I guess? I’m not entirely sure.

5) Fast & Furious 6

Hey! They are still making these! This combines everything Americans love, if our top ads are to be believed: The Rock, cars, explosions and sequels. The only way it could have been improved would have been to title it “6 Fast 6 Furious,” but we can’t have everything.

4) Jeep: America Will Be Whole Again

I hate how, every year, you’ll be watching a commercial and you will feel suddenly inspired on behalf of America and think that we are a glorious land of hope and opportunity built from the ground up by rugged, hopeful farmers, loyal dogs, resilient families and troops who deserve every inch of our support, and then it turns out to be trying to sell you a car.

But I guess that’s America in a nutshell.

3) Taco Bell: Viva Young

America’s elderly have realized that they are a burden on the current health insurance system and are trying to take the question out of our hands by reckless behaviors!

Oddly, eating at Taco Bell might still be the most costly long-term health decision of the evening.

Viewed another way, the Early Boomers and Late Greatests are continuing to rub in the faces of the Millennials and Gen-X’ers who are paying for their long-term care just how much more fun they get to have than we ever will.

Don’t cannonball into that pool, Ernie! I paid for that hip!

2) Budweiser: Brotherhood

All the good parts of “War Horse” without any of the obnoxious World War I bits, in a minute or less! And it’s tangentially related to beer.

This is something behind which we can get.

1) Ram Trucks: Farmer

You thought that ad about the troops was heart-wrenching?

Here is a tribute to America’s farmers, a tasteful slideshow of beautiful, high-depth images, accompanied by lachrymose poetry. Finally, something that makes us proud of where we’ve come from and where we’re going.

Nope, it’s another car commercial. Of course it is.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.
SECTION: {section=opinions, subsection=null}!!!
INITIAL commentConfig: {includereply=true, canvas_permalink_id=washpost.com/8bvh5zpd9k, allow_comments=true, commentmaxlength=2000, includeshare=true, display_comments=true, canvas_permalink_app_instance=bg52e9xhqr, display_more=true, moderationrequired=false, includefeaturenotification=true, canvas_allcomments_id=washpost.com/km4ey0dajm, comments_period=14, defaultsort=reverseChronological, includevoteofftopic=false, allow_videos=false, includesorts=true, markerdisplay=post_commenter:Post Commenter|staff:Post Writer|top_commenter:Post Forum|top_local:Washingtologist|top_sports:SuperFan|fact_checker:Fact Checker|post_recommended:Post Recommended|world_watcher:World Watcher|cultuer_connoisseur:Culture Connoisseur|weather_watcher:Capital Weather Watcher|post_contributor:Post Contributor, childrenitemsperpage=3, includeheader=true, includeverifiedcommenters=true, defaulttab=all, includerecommend=true, includereport=true, maxitemstop=2, source=washpost.com, allow_photos=false, maxitems=7, display_ugc_photos=false, includepause=true, canvas_allcomments_app_instance=6634zxcgfd, includepermalink=false}!!!

UGC FROM ARTICLE: !!!

FINAL commentConfig: {includereply=true, canvas_permalink_id=washpost.com/8bvh5zpd9k, allow_comments=true, commentmaxlength=2000, includeshare=true, display_comments=true, canvas_permalink_app_instance=bg52e9xhqr, display_more=true, moderationrequired=false, includefeaturenotification=true, canvas_allcomments_id=washpost.com/km4ey0dajm, comments_period=14, defaultsort=reverseChronological, includevoteofftopic=false, allow_videos=false, includesorts=true, markerdisplay=post_commenter:Post Commenter|staff:Post Writer|top_commenter:Post Forum|top_local:Washingtologist|top_sports:SuperFan|fact_checker:Fact Checker|post_recommended:Post Recommended|world_watcher:World Watcher|cultuer_connoisseur:Culture Connoisseur|weather_watcher:Capital Weather Watcher|post_contributor:Post Contributor, childrenitemsperpage=3, includeheader=true, includeverifiedcommenters=true, defaulttab=all, includerecommend=true, includereport=true, maxitemstop=2, source=washpost.com, allow_photos=false, maxitems=7, display_ugc_photos=false, includepause=true, canvas_allcomments_app_instance=6634zxcgfd, includepermalink=false}!!
Comments
SECTION: {section=opinions, subsection=null}!!!
INITIAL commentConfig: {includereply=true, canvas_permalink_id=washpost.com/8bvh5zpd9k, allow_comments=true, commentmaxlength=2000, includeshare=true, display_comments=true, canvas_permalink_app_instance=bg52e9xhqr, display_more=true, moderationrequired=false, includefeaturenotification=true, canvas_allcomments_id=washpost.com/km4ey0dajm, comments_period=14, defaultsort=reverseChronological, includevoteofftopic=false, allow_videos=false, includesorts=true, markerdisplay=post_commenter:Post Commenter|staff:Post Writer|top_commenter:Post Forum|top_local:Washingtologist|top_sports:SuperFan|fact_checker:Fact Checker|post_recommended:Post Recommended|world_watcher:World Watcher|cultuer_connoisseur:Culture Connoisseur|weather_watcher:Capital Weather Watcher|post_contributor:Post Contributor, childrenitemsperpage=3, includeheader=true, includeverifiedcommenters=true, defaulttab=all, includerecommend=true, includereport=true, maxitemstop=2, source=washpost.com, allow_photos=false, maxitems=7, display_ugc_photos=false, includepause=true, canvas_allcomments_app_instance=6634zxcgfd, includepermalink=false}!!!

UGC FROM ARTICLE: !!!

FINAL commentConfig: {includereply=true, canvas_permalink_id=washpost.com/8bvh5zpd9k, allow_comments=true, commentmaxlength=2000, includeshare=true, display_comments=true, canvas_permalink_app_instance=bg52e9xhqr, display_more=true, moderationrequired=false, includefeaturenotification=true, canvas_allcomments_id=washpost.com/km4ey0dajm, comments_period=14, defaultsort=reverseChronological, includevoteofftopic=false, allow_videos=false, includesorts=true, markerdisplay=post_commenter:Post Commenter|staff:Post Writer|top_commenter:Post Forum|top_local:Washingtologist|top_sports:SuperFan|fact_checker:Fact Checker|post_recommended:Post Recommended|world_watcher:World Watcher|cultuer_connoisseur:Culture Connoisseur|weather_watcher:Capital Weather Watcher|post_contributor:Post Contributor, childrenitemsperpage=3, includeheader=true, includeverifiedcommenters=true, defaulttab=all, includerecommend=true, includereport=true, maxitemstop=2, source=washpost.com, allow_photos=false, maxitems=7, display_ugc_photos=false, includepause=true, canvas_allcomments_app_instance=6634zxcgfd, includepermalink=false}!!
Show Comments
Next Story
Alexandra Petri | February 4, 2013