February 20, 2013

Consider this my application to be a Google Glass explorer. Google is holding an open call right now for people to pioneer its Glass software, the technology you Wear on Your Face.

And trust me, Google, you don’t want people to miss out on the non-stop, riveting thrill ride that is my daily life.

Here is a sample of what people who gaze at my life through these glasses will get to experience.

– Hours indoors, staring aimlessly at a screen.

– Hours indoors and out staring aimlessly at a smaller screen.

– Hours indoors staring intently at a larger screen.

– Occasional bouts of talking with people while furtively checking smaller screen under table.

– Brief abortive attempt to read an actual book, lasting no more than 20 minutes.

– Hours driving, pretending I am not also consulting the small screen in my pocket at stoplights.

– Moment when I really think I’m going to go for an actual jog but then don’t.

– Daily, dutiful pursuit of The Writer’s Life (Hours indoors staring at cursor blinking on and off on a blank screen.)

– Commute to work on bus during which attempts to Google strangest things possible in order to discomfit person reading weird erotica next to me.

– Intermittent periods of work (see MS Paint representation below)


I have a new computer and MS Paint works differently.

What can I say?

Anything that brings me closer to the inevitable Robot Hive Mind that is our future, I am in favor of. Also, anything that lets me Google things with my eyes. Look, the only reason I want not to be staring at a screen is because I’m staring through an even cooler, more lightweight screen. Getting rid of the screen is not an option.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.