BACON!
BACON! (Angela J. Cesere/ The Washington Post)

If I have to explain to you why this is in your best interest, you haven’t been spending enough time on the Internet.

There is now a petition on the White House’s official petition site (the always-a-mouthful petitions.whitehouse.gov) urging the USDA to set a Recommended Daily Intake of bacon.

Bacon, as the petition says, has gone viral. It’s in our bloodstream. I know no food I’d rather have clogging my arteries. If bacon does me in, I will die contented to have fallen to a worthy adversary.

“High in fat and sodium?” the petition asks. “Maybe, but how can you measure that against the joy it brings the American people? The incredible contribution it has made to the peaceful well-being of our republic?

“We, the undersigned, respectfully request that the USDA set a Recommended Daily Intake (RDI) for bacon, so that all Americans can be guided on how best to participate in this amazing, nation building food.”

Amen. Bacon brings together people from all political persuasions and short-distance, wheezing walks of life. Even during the earliest days of women’s rights, when men still thought women should not be outside the home doing anything, lest their ankles become suddenly visible, both men and women agreed that someone should be bringing home bacon. It was common ground. Or, possibly, a metaphor.

But let that pass! There is a petition, and nothing says “America” like the combination of “ill-advised, possibly time-wasting petitions” and “bacon.” Sign me up!

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.