"One must always believe everything one reads on Facebook. It adds spice and fantasy to one's drab existence." (Nick Briggs/Associated Press) “One must always believe everything one reads on Facebook. It adds spice and fantasy to one’s drab existence.” (Nick Briggs/Associated Press)

As you know, the best way to get out of a hole is to dig a larger, more disturbing hole.

Dave Agema, the same RNC committeeman who came under fire for posting some dubious statements about homosexuality on his Facebook page last month, is  trying to explain himself again.

He said Wednesday on the radio show of Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins that: “And study after study after study talks about all the diseases you get, how it just gets you into drugs, it gets you into all these other things that you don’t want to be in. So if you really love someone, if you really are concerned about someone, if you saw your friend for example dying of alcoholism, would you just stand quietly by and watch it happen?”

To be frank, I’m really not sure what he’s talking about at this point. I don’t think it’s homosexuality. Combined with the facts that he was sharing on his Facebook page (did you know that, apparently, being homosexual makes you 19 times more likely to die in a traffic accident?) it sounds like some sort of mutant outgrowth of the Lizard Person Conspiracy.

This makes me worry that he is confusing homosexuality with something else. It’s a strange combination of after-school black-and-white specials from the 1950s (with ominous men luring the Innocent into their cars), misinformation from that one guy on Facebook who believes that everything on the Internet is true, and a print-out from a Web site that hasn’t been updated since the Geocities days. Where does this come from? Next Agema be on the air explaining that the worst part is that you become capable of moving metal with your mind.

“They’re so cold and logical, and even after their planet was destroyed by the Romulans they insisted on coming here to plague us with their strange hand-signs and unruly eyebrows,” he’ll fume. “And their mind-melds. Don’t like it. Don’t like any of it.”

“The worst thing is that it can only be cured by the touch of a king.”

“You think you’re just fine, and then suddenly you get drawn into this ‘lifestyle’ where Ian McKellen brings dwarves into your home and you start sporti.ng ‘rings’ that make you ‘invisible’ and dragging your extended family into the fight against the dark power of ‘Sauron.'”

“That’s the plot of the Hobbit, I think.”

“That’s just what the mainstream media wants you to believe.”

This is why Reince Priebus pleaded with the party to stop rushing out and digging these holes. This is not a good idea. The last thing you want is for people to think you believe everything that gets posted on Facebook.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.
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