Anthony Weiner (Richard Drew/Associated Press
Anthony Weiner (Richard Drew/Associated Press

Well, he’s back.

He’s on Twitter, with his 64-point Plan To Keep New York The Capital of the Middle Class. It’s really happening.

And here are just a few of the dozens of headlines I beg you not to use.

  • Weiner Back And Bigger Than Ever
  • Surprisingly Short Recovery Time For Weiner
  • Weiner Dogged By Past
  • Weiner or Loser?
  • Weiner Stuck Behind Opponent
  • Weiner Experiences Growth/Shrinkage In Polls.
  • America Has Nothing Funny To Say About Weiner.
  • Confronted With Weiner, New York Shudders And Turns Away
  • New Yorkers Really Don’t Want To Learn More About Changes To Weiner
  • Weiner Mobile
  • Weiner Comeback
  • The Man/Woman Who’s Beating Weiner (for later in the season)
  • Can Weiner Come From Behind?
  • NYC Underwhelmed By Exposed Weiner

AUGGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAKE IT STOP ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.