Paula Deen (AP Photo)
Paula Deen (AP Photo)

Well, this is as good a time to diet as any.

The National Enquirer (hey, they were right about John Edwards) claims to have obtained video footage of First Lady of Lard Paula Deen casually admitting to using the n-word.

Now her bacon-doughnut-egg burger is only the second most disgusting thing she’s affiliated with.

And this is just one more in a string of disgusting details from a 2012 lawsuit against Deen by disgruntled former employee Lisa Jackson. Other allegations include that Deen enjoys racist jokes and wanted to cast black men as slaves for a wedding, inspired by a restaurant she and her husband had visited (“I mean, it was really impressive. That restaurant represented a certain era in America”) — if inspired is the word you use for an idea like that. If true, as they say, this is news.

So what do you do about news like this? Boycott butter?

The PR agents for butter are panicking somewhere right now. “It’s not affiliated!” they keep shouting into phones. “Butter distances itself from all these words! Butter is ashamed of its years of association with Paula Deen.”

Then again, if this news makes you want to curl up and die, you should eat more of her cooking, not less.

But if these racist rumors are substantiated (hey, remember the time she said that if invited to the White House she would cook fried chicken and watermelon for President Obama, as this blogger points out?) what do we do? Try to get her to eat her words? She’s used to devouring gross, mistaken combinations.

If her career survived the news that she was battling Type 2 diabetes, it might be able to overcome this, too. How poisonous do someone’s statements have to be before you have to put down the fork? The fact of a man’s being a poisoner, as Oscar Wilde used to say, is nothing against his poetry — although it would probably argue against his cooking.

It would almost be worse if the person who suggests that you close all your arteries for good by eating lard wrapped in lard tucked lovingly inside lard held sound, enlightened views about other areas of life. How enlightened can you be if your idea of a sandwich is a hamburger patty and egg between two donuts?

I stand by my usual policy, though, that this is nothing against her recipes. They are disgusting enough on their own.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.