Everyone has been up in arms about the Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Rolling Stone cover, for two reasons. First, the fact that Dzokhar is allegedly behind the Boston Marathon bombings. CVS is going so far as not to sell this month’s magazine. Second: the fact that a selfie is gracing the cover of Rolling Stone.

My colleague Erik Wemple points out, I think correctly, that the job of a magazine is to sell, well, magazines. Remember those Buy This Magazine Or I’ll Shoot This Dog? covers. Some people’s bone structure makes it difficult to print pictures of them that could not be accused of glamorizing them. Still, the phrase “dreamy self-portrait of alleged Boston bomber” isn’t most people’s idea of a tasteful cover.

Some suggestions for the next cover, as long as they’re going this route:

– The Eye of Sauron in a bathrobe

– Whomever J. Lo is performing for next

– Whitey Bulger with sleeves rolled up, looking wind-swept and approachable

– Stalin in suspenders leaning over the back of a chair

– Aileen Wuornos, on the red carpet, rocking Louboutins

– Ted Kaczynski, but someone fixed his hair finally

– Rasputin in a fun ironic onesie

- Genghis Khan goofing around in big chairs with the stars of “The Voice”

– Robespierre blowing a big bubble

– Instagram of some anthrax

(Hey, they already did the one with Jar Jar.)

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.